Enjoy your Wings Momma.

Jennifer Allen Strand was called home by our Father, God November 21st, 2010. No longer is she in pain, she has earned her wings and is now freed from her broken body. Her Beautiful spirit is with us now as she looks down on us from Heaven. She will forever live in our hearts.
Jennifer was born April 1958 in Memphis Tennessee. She was the epitome of a beautiful Southern Bell, with her smile that lit up a room and her radiating charisma. Her and her family moved with the military and Jennifer always made friends wherever she went. Always touching people’s lives and forever holding a place in their hearts.
Jennifer had a vivacious personality, she was passionate and her laughter was contagious. She had such a fantastic sense of humor and wonderful wit about her. Jennifer had a way about her… Always knowing just what to say and a way to always make us laugh. She could find humor in all situations.
My mother had such a passion for life and the people in hers. She cared so deeply for everyone.
Jennifer loved to go camping and to take long drives up the canyons and loved to walk her Dogs and “borrow” other people’s flowers. She loved to Garden. My Mother could create the most breathtaking array of flowers. She surrounded herself in beauty as her beautiful spirit surrounded those lucky enough to have known her.
My favorite memories of my Mother were the ones spent dancing in the living room to Dwight Yoakum, Tracy Chapman, and Garth Brooks. My Mother and I would dance for hours. I remember how much fun my mother was. I remember as a child her racing down the stairs tickling me to wake up so we could make ‘eggy toast’ together. I remember all of the silly inside Jokes we shared. How my Mother could make me burst into laughter when only moments before I was in tears. I remember whenever my Mother would leave, My Meme and I would sit in front of the living room window and play a game where we would count cars and guess how many would pass before she would pull into the drive.
Sometimes, I feel like I am still counting cars. Waiting for the Mother I remember to pull into the drive and we will laugh and dance and play together again.
Jennifer is survived by the love her life, her soul mate, Bob Conley. Myself, her Daughter, Her parents Bill and Charlene Allen, Her sister Rebecca Snyder, Her Brother Bradley Allen and her two dogs whom she loved so very much, Bella and Lexi. And all of her many Friends.
Jennifer is preceded in death by her Big sister Bonnie Crawford, Her Grandparents and her Beloved dog, Katie.
We love you Jenny, Forever and a day, around the world and back again. Thank you Momma, for giving me roots and Wings. I promise you to always stay true to myself, just as you always said. I hope you know how very much I love you. And how much I miss you.
Enjoy your wings Momma.

This is what I did on my day off.

I have been reading blogs lately, I have a few I am slightly addicted to. Such as, Cupcakes and Cashmere. Which is eloquently written about topics such as baking, fashion and home decor. This girl, who has amazing writing skills as well as fashion sense as high as the sky, is a master chef and has impeccable taste. She has been able to quit her job and support herself from her cute little blog alone.
No fair. No fair. I want to quit my job and make bookoos of money by writing and sharing my thoughts and ideas.
I'm a decent writer, I have a tendency to be mildly humorous and I happen to think my ideas are AWESOME. Sure, my fashion sense isn't remarkable..as I often make my Boyfriend roll his eyes to what I decide to put on, and I still can't make minute rice. I know! Minute Rice? WTF? Its freaking WATER and Rice. How I manage to Fu*% up water and Rice is beyond my understanding.But my culinary skills are improving. I made a tasty little supper made of pork chops in roasted red peppers and white beans and took it to my grandparents for dinner. My Grandfather who has to be the biggest food Critic on the planet said it was " exceptional" And for an entire week afterwards I was referring to myself as " Rian, Culinary Master Pants". My interior decorating skills are... so-so. I love my house and all the cute little things of me set up about it. Even the little pieces of my boyfriend that are out all make my house so, oh-so,cozily mine. With exception of the giant movie poster of Heath Ledger as the Joker. Please keep on mind, when I say Giant I for once am not at all exaggerating. This poster at one time could have been hanging in Time Square. Its ridiculous. And whats even more ridiculous is I think my Boyfriend truly believed that he would be hanging this in my front room. We compromised and its in the basement. So long as I close my eyes nice and tight when going down to do laundry I don't scream.
My Camera sucks. In fact, it doesn't even work. I use my Boyfriends but that camera sucks too. Sure, it takes photos.. but not like all the other blogs have. So maybe my blog isn't successful because I don't have a Nikon (some sort of high number)fancy smancy professional camera that makes food look scrumptious and outfits look amazing and little Nick Nacks look like they were made by Santa's elves in the North pole in perfect little ginger bread houses. Maybe someone should buy me a camera and when I make millions I'll reimburse you plus buy YOU a camera. Takers??? Although, My idea of the perfect camera is a Polaroid. I'm all about instant gratification. ( As if you couldn't have guessed, as this blog is chuck full of get rich fast without a whole lot of effort ideas) Polaroids are not all that bloggey friendly. Maybe I could have a really cute pictured fun fridge and a photo free blog?
Maybe, My blog isn't successful because I don't have a baby? These Mommy blogs seem to be the Twilight upon middle aged stay at home mothers. I can't really relate and get bored mid-blog because I fail to understand the humor behind having poo on your forehead and having a worker at Babies-R-Us point it out to you. ( Thats just disgusting) Or the turmoil behind wrestling a Diaper Genie. ( No clue what that would be like, nor do I want to) But, other ladies eat that shit up ( not the poo on the forehead, the proverbial shit) So, maybe in hopes of creating a multi million dollar blog for myself so I can sit in my Jammie's and drink Dunk N Donuts coffee while typing all the crazy things that go on inside my head day in and day out I should come up with a clever way to talk myself as well as my boyfriend into procreating. *think think think* Pause...... Longer pause.......................
No. Out of the question. That's selfish, and really would be difficult to explain to the kid when they ask why they were born " Well slugger, Mommy wanted to get rich and by telling the world of your poops, pees and pukes and post birth fiasco's she did it!" He'd probably sue me later for emotional distress. And that would terrible.
My Boyfriend is in a Band. A good band. A REALLY good band. They are releasing their EP this upcoming weekend. The venue sold out in 3 days. I am pretty certain that sooner then later he will be touring the US making millions of dollars and young girls will be swooning all over him. Just last night, as we watched the CMA awards, ( Ok, Truth be told...I watched and made him come watch when my Favorite musicians took the stage) I asked him what he plans to say when he and the other Wayne Hoskins Band Members take the stage at the VMA's to accept their award. I think I shocked him that I was actually asking. I asked because there is no doubt in my mind that its going to happen. He goofed around and said a bunch of silly things and of course I got mad because I think for some reason I should personally be made mention of. (I am a girl People! Back off! ) But it was really neat to see him actually take that moment into hope and consideration. I of course have already started dreaming up the dress I want to wear and practicing the shocked, yet graceful look on my face when they call out their name in the mirror.
Point is that... Maybe I won't make money on my writing until after my Boyfriend makes the cover of Drummers Magazine. I figure that if that 90210 Bitch, whats her name? Tori Spelling can write and actually sell a memoir. So can I. So Maybe the secret to success is the shadow of someone Else's?
OR maybe I can go to school and get my Journalism degree and actually work for some success. Naaaah that seems like WAY too much work and I really hate Math Class.
Step one is done. I have this Blog. I'm learning to cook. One day I might have a kid. I wear cute clothes. My house is decorated. GOD! Why does making money have to be so F'ing hard.

Rest in Peace Sweet Meea

This week has been a rather tumultuous one. I am hoping wholeheartedly that the rest of November isn't like the first.
I lost my sweet Meea on Monday. My 8 year old Rottweiler whom I loved so dearly. Meea had a tough little life. She was diagnosed early with Hip Displacia and had to have two complete knee replacements. She was the mascot of North Ogden Animal Hospital as she probably paid for the doctors mortgage more than once. She was featured in the Local newspaper for having gone through so many surgeries and being one of first dogs with Pet insurance in Northern Utah. The veterinarian staff loved her so much, and although she had to go through so much at that office, our Meea loved to go. She would always get so excited as she jumped out of the truck and saw that she was there, never fought the doctors and would light up their days as she lit up everyday of ours.
Earlier this year she was diagnosed with Osteosarcoma, a very aggressive type of Bone cancer. We hoped to have caught it early enough and decided to amputate her leg. She was such a trooper, and recovered so quickly and adapted to life as a tripawd with such grace and ease. Unfortunately, the cancer spread. And my sweet Meea lost her battle with cancer and earned her wings.
Her last days were spent well alongside family. She was ready to go. You could see it in her big beautiful brown eyes which lit up and reassured us all that everything would be alright.
My Neice was so precious as she said her sweet goodbye. She kneeled down beside Meea and said " Ok, Meea Listen... I am sorry about your ouwie, But when you go up to heaven and meet Jesus in his office, you tell him you were a good dog." She was.. she was the best dog.
The last day, I pulled up and she ran to my car and as I cried she kissed away my tears, and I swear its as if I heard her say " I love you Momma, I am going to be ok, I am sorry I tried so hard to fight it. But I will be with you and watch over you as I run and play with my friends in heaven." I have another rottweiler, Olive. And since all of this I just can't seem to love her enough. I hold her and never want to let her go.
Animals so easily become such a strong fixture in your family. They are just like a child. And the loss of one causes such a void in your heart. But, Its so worth the love they bring into it.
I'll miss you my sweet Meea. Everyone will. Thank you for coming into my life and all the love and smiles you brought into it.

Well, Hello Stranger.

I know I haven't wrote in an awful long time. I really have no solid good excuse that comes to mind. I enjoy writing. Therefore, I should make time for it. I have a few minutes so I thought I would update you on what my life is all about these days. ( If anyone still reads this) I'll post it on my facebook. I figure my chances are good that at least 1 of my friends might click on my link.
I still am head over heels in love with my house.
My Job is the bomb.
I have had the BEST Summer of my life this Summer of 2010.
I have completed all but 1 of my bucket list items. OK, 3.
We went camping several times this year. I bought a tent and a sleeping bag and a lantern. All color coordinated of course. Fashion still matters in the middle of nowhere.
We went to Bozeman Montana. That was awesome. I think I'll retire in Bozeman.
We went to Las Vegas for my Boyfriends Birthday and had the time of our lives.
I turned 28 and dyed my hair a fiery unapologetic red. After the tears stopped, I think I have grown to like it.
My Boyfriend and my Father built the most beautiful deck in the world for me for my birthday. Its just perfect and I always struggle talking myself into leaving it.
I have officially learned how to cook. I made several delicious treats this summer and didn't chuck a one!
Personal Faves would be My Etote Corn on the Cob. My Gouda Monte Cristo. My Reuben. And my Pepper-lime Carne Asada sliders.
* cough - cough.. you have umm.. a little drool on your.. yeah, you got it*
We BBQ'd often, although My grill is a little 'hood rich'. The previous owners left a shiny lil' red charcoal griller just for me but forgot to leave the lid, so I channeled my inner Martha Stewart and used a Garbage pail lid. Ok, Maybe I got Mrs Bundy instead of Martha But nevertheless, The food was Delicious.
I had a roomie for awhile, That didn't work out so much.
My Boyfriend is moving in soon. I'm really excited about this. For many reasons but most of all because I am tired of checking under the bed, behind the shower curtain, in the closets and around the corners and my power bill is rather high given I sleep with lights on. Oh yeah.. and I love him and stuff.
My Boyfriends Band was Signed. I am officially a groupie.
I am seriously considering beginning to write a book. I already have the title and the cover and totally know what I will wear to my first talk show appearance. Also, I figure I'll need to find some bookcases and start garage sellin' for lots and lots of cheap books to create a prestigious study/office. And Also.. I think I'll win a Nobel Prize. Well, Perhaps the Noble Prize might be a long shot...
Anyway, That's the story for now. My television program is on.
Life is good my friends. Life.Is.So.Good.

My Summer Bucket List

With summer just around the corner and my excitement and list of things I wish to do this year growing exponentially by the day, I thought I would prepare myself a bucket list of all the things I hope to do this summer.
I want to create a beautiful outdoor space where I can host cocktail parties with my girlfriends. I also want to learn deliciously fruity new cocktail recipes to sip on while I sit with my friends in the backyard on my own little piece of earth.
I want to master and devour as much homemade strawberry shortcake as possible.
I want to toast marshmallows and make Smores with friends as we laugh by the fireside.
I want to Barbecue. A lot.
I want to make yummy, refreshing Popsicles in fun shapes and enjoy them on my lounge chair underneath my gigantic apple tree on those hot summer days.
I want to go camping many times this year to new places we have yet to discover.
I want to take my Puppy on lots of fun adventures.
I wish to board a plane and fly away for a few days. Destination negotiable.
I want to practice Yoga once a week all summer long and learn to be present and happy in the moment of now.
I can hardly wait to get started and slip into my swimming suit and soak up the sun.

Happy Mothers Day.

Today is and has been one of the hardest days of the year for me.
Mothers Day.
A time to honor and celebrate your Mother.
And although today I was unable to share it with mine, I thought through memories and prayers She may be able to feel my love for her.
I have a photo in my living room of my Mother. She was about my age and she was so beautiful. That's How I have chosen to remember her... the way she was in that photo there.
My Mother, the women who could light up a room with her smile and radiating charisma. Her humor. Her Wit.
I remember as a child how much fun we would have together, dancing in the front room to Tracy Chapman, Dwight Yokam and Garth Brooks and Joan Osbourne to that song "What if God was one of us" We would dance for hours.
I remember how she would come wake me up in the mornings by crawling into bed with me and tickling me until I got up and we would make Eggy toast together.
I remember all of our little inside jokes we shared. How she could always make me laugh no matter how upset I was over trivial childhood things.
I remember when she would go out and my Grandmother and I would guess how many cars would pass by until she would pull into the drive. I would sit and count cars for hours.
Sometimes I still feel as if I am counting cars.. counting until the Mother I remember comes back and pulls into the drive and we can laugh and dance and play together again.
I miss you Momma. And love you. Forever and a day. Around the world and back again.
Happy Mothers day.

Can we all hold hands now and sing Kumbaya?

Lately, I have been holding my tongue on the recent political upheavals. I have been trying to remain mindful that political and religious standings go hand in hand with the concept we all learned in kindergarten. No, not the do not eat paste rule.. the other rule, If you do not have anything nice to say, do not say anything at all.
However, I feel as though I have remained silent long enough. After all, how fair is it that others views and opinions have been shoved down my throat? If they can voice their opinions then so can I. I promise to lay it out as respectfully as possible.
I voted for Obama. In fact, I think I should have been invited to the white house for dinner given my charismatic campaign techniques. For I rallied on the streets of Las Vegas, with a yard long margarita in hand yelling at the top of my Minnie mouse lungs, “ Obama for your Momma! Paint the White House black!” And I even gained Obama support from two of the most strong willed Republican, right winged Southern folk I know. My grandparents, who before would have never dreamed of the day they would see a ‘Negro’ run for office, let alone cast their vote for one. * Pats herself on the back*
In the beginning of it all, I listened and read and became very passionate about the issues that this man was promising. And when he won I celebrated. And my Passion and eagerness to learn about Politics lessened. But now, now that the country seems to be splitting in half because of recent changes and ideals I feel myself getting back involved.
There are issues that I have not or cannot seem to fully wrap my mind around. For example, I do not understand the dynamics of the banks closures and then our Government paying off the banks head honchos with several million dollars. I do not understand why or how it was thought to be acceptable to change the peoples tax ratio’s so that when tax time rolled around the majority of these people were shocked at the little amount they got back in return or in several peoples cases the amount they had to pay. And they didn’t even tell anyone about it. I know that sure ruffled my feathers! I mean how is that ok?? How does that make sense?? I understand that they were taking less out on each paycheck so our take home was greater but not by much! Obviously, because a ton of people didn’t even notice the change. And most of the people I know rely on tax time to play catch up with their returns or to participate in stimulating our economy by taking a vacation, or buying the sofa they have been wanting, or the down payment on the nice new car they have been saving for. But this year no, many of us looked at our return and wanted to personally hunt down Uncle Sam and smack the shit out of the man with his own silly ridiculous hat.
I don’t understand how when running, President Obama promised to end the War in Iraq. Yet sent several more groups of troops overseas. I am aware that Iraq is in the midst of electing a new president and forming a functioning government.. but, I guess I fail to see how this is our business. Maybe, this makes me naïve, but isn’t this a big reason why so many extremist hate America?? And I understand that some of the troops overseas are trying to get a handle on the drug crops and distribution. Which although commendable is also something that I think is aiding us in digging our own whole. Can’t we just monitor our borders and what is brought into this country better? Poppy crops are many people’s livelihood in Afghanistan. Destroying those crops are bound to cause serious retaliation. And I don’t know about you, but I think we have gone and pissed off enough of these people who have access to extreme terrorist groups just waiting for another reason to bring ‘death to America’. How about we come home now? Or, send troops to Chile to help build their country back up or Haiti or maybe Nigeria who in the last several months have fallen victim to extreme violence. Where Christian persecution has left millions of unarmed Men, Women and children slain?
America seems far too focused on Americanizing the rest of the world. And all the while America seems to be lagging behind.
In my opinion, it seems that with the billions of dollars we spend on warfare we could fight quite the war that is going on here on American soil. A war of poverty, starvation, and crime. And also help those in other countries who need and welcome some kind of help, any kind of help.
I do not understand the Healthcare Bill in its entirety. I have watched Glenn Beck and listened to his opinion, Rush Limbaugh and others, I have read opinions on the web as well as those from my friends and family. And I got to be honest, I still remain on the fence.
My attention was brought to our Nations trouble with healthcare or lack thereof after watching Michael Moores ‘Sicko’. Having watched that film I felt that Canada and France had the right Idea. I thought it to be an injustice to the American people to deny those without insurance care. And hearing Obama in his campaign promise change and reform I was thrilled. But, now that it’s here and in learning the pro’s and con’s of this bill I am having mixed emotions about it.
I do like that Medicaid will now be available to young adults without children and that Illegal Immigrants will not be covered. Not only will Illegal Immigrants not be covered through Medicaid but they won’t be covered through any other insurance even if paid with their own money. I do like that prescription costs for seniors will be cut down by 50%. I like the concept that thousands of people will now have the benefits of healthcare and no one will be refused treatment. I like that the wealthy will be paying the a higher tax required to fund this reform. They’ll still be able to afford their Yachts and keep their fancy lifestyle’s all the while contributing to a ‘charity’ of sorts right here at home. Allowing the children of low income families, as well as the family to have healthcare coverage. Inside my mind, where there are rainbows and puppies that eat cupcakes and poop out rainbows this sounds pretty darn fair and fantastic.
What I don’t like is that the Government is pretty much forcing the people to get health care coverage. Now, I can’t really understand why a person wouldn’t want insurance but I certainly don’t think they should make you have it and charge you with a hefty fine if you refuse. That’s unconstitutional! Either way you slice it! I like the idea of the reform.. And would hope that in the goodness of peoples heart’s they would participate in it and take advantage of its perks, but I certainly think that as Americans we should have a right to choose. We should have a right to decide to give our hard earned money for the cause and sign something for them to take more taxes out so that others can have insurance. Or if we don’t want to participate we shouldn’t have to.
I don’t like that they are rising the taxes on tanning salons by 10%. This will seriously hurt the industry. And that’s the last thing we should be doing is hurting more small businesses. Tanning has been linked to cancer.True. But, every Bahama bronzed person out there is aware of this. Just like cigarettes when a person takes a drag I guarandamntee you they are very much aware of the risk. If a person wants to tan their hides and smoke isn’t that their prerogative?? Why does the government have to hike up the cost? I mean.. this is America right? Since when is freedom free only if you can afford it?
People now want us to take the word God off of our money and out of the Pledge of allegiance. Why?? If the word and concept of God does not mean anything to you then why are you taking any validity into what a coin says or a song? Please, allow those of us who believe to keep it. It can be ours. The others who don’t can practice whatever it is they believe and when saying the pledge they can skip over that part like when singing happy birthday to a person whom you didn’t catch their name. And with the money buy yourself a coke, smile, and shut the hell up.
The constitution says that the Government shall work for the people and if it stops working for the people then the people have the right to stand up and say so. Well, I suppose that is what many are doing. However, an opinion doesn’t have to be laced with hateful words and accusations. Today, on a break at work I overheard an older gentlemen say “Sorry to say, but that black baby is sending our nation straight down the shitter.” And when listening to Glenn Beck I can’t help but think how much more credible his viewpoints would be if they weren’t delivered with such angst and anger. The same goes for Russ Limbaugh.. do people really take such hatred seriously?
I don’t know if I am a Liberal, a Republican, a Democrat, a member of the Tea Party or a Constitutionalist. I guess, in a nut shell I am just a free thinking American woman that believes in freedom and freedom for all. I also believe that the world is vast, as are the people of it. Culture differs from country to country, region to region, state to state. If clothing, Language, food, traditions and laws vary and are accepted then why can’t we accept that Government and Beliefs will vary as well?
Every country has their good points and their bad. And every Michael Moore, Rush Limbaugh, and Glenn Beck has the right to their opinion and the capability of glorifying it to the mainstream public through the telephoto lens of fame. Remember, it is our right as Americans to form our own opinion. And I hope we all do just that.
God Bless the whole wide world. ( No exceptions)

Romance?? You can shove your romance!

Valentine’s day again??? Boy, am I ever so glad. Valentine’s day is my favorite!! After all it’s a totally legitimate rational and logical holiday to celebrate.
I mean, Who doesn’t want a box of creamed, pureed sugar flavored like fruit covered in milk chocolate all packaged up in a pretty little box alongside a bouquet of $10 walmart lily’s probably grown by illegal aliens being held captive by that floating yellow smiling head, and a tender little card reading “you’re my one and only” ironically sold at the store at 3 for a dollar? Who?!?!… a morbidly obese person in the hospital that’s who!!!
That’s right peep’s, I am still bitter. Last year I composed a cynical collaboration of my thoughts on Valentine’s day and couldn’t not do it again this year. You’re welcome. It will cost you a bag of cheetos and chocolate cupcakes.
This year I’m doing it a little different. This past week I went to Victoria’s secret and racked up $87 in sexy underwear and a fantastic bra that turns my acceptance as president into the ity bity titi committee titties into epic tits. I’m still puzzled as to why because come February 14th I will be at home, sporting my fabulous bra and sexy skivvies under an old tee shirt and my fleece pajama bottoms, parked on my sofa with my 2 felines and puppy covered in cheeto dust and a buzz from the $4 bottle of wine I purchased, whilst enjoying ewwy gewwy chick flicks.
I have been asked out, but have kindly declined. Why? Because the boys who desire me are the epitome of douche!
So my valentine is my dog, Olive. Who happens to be just about the cutest , sweetest thing on earth. Who is always excited to see me, always showers me with kisses and loves me unconditionally. I have found the secret to happiness ladies. Puppies, junk food, wine and movies. Now, if only I could get her to quit eating the cat poop… I’d really have it all.
Slowly but surely..day by day.. I am becoming that much closer to my destiny as the crazy cat lady. Given, It’s a little earlier than I had anticipated but I am ok with it. I enjoy my own company. I happen to to be the funniest person I know.
I am not yet at that totally pathetic stage. I still go out. And every once and a while I get asked for my telephone number. And 9 times out 10 I give out my alias.. Petunia. And my alias digits 458-5669. And when the unsuspecting boar has the slightest bit of suspicion that I might be lying I’ll spit out my patent line “Please don’t laugh at my name, I received enough ridicule in grade school on the playground” And then he chuckles and puts his arm around me and 9 times out of 10 gushes about the sushi date he’ll treat me too. And I roll my eyes and wonder how it is that every man offers the exact same things.. Is there an article in the latest Maxim that claims the promise of sushi will make the chicks swoon? And if you compliment them on their eyes and call them sexy they will cream themselves and do you right then and right there on the bar floor?? I am astounded even more with each man I meet.
It is my firm belief that this generation has gone downhill considerably. Men and women have no concept of monogamy or commitment. The mentality this day and age is so self centered an me,me,me its nauseating. At the first inclination of trouble people pack their bags and call it quits. Or rather, end up banging their assistant or neighbor. Can you even imagine how many beautiful things we as people are missing out on simply because we refused to see the tough times through? I know I too have pulled out my white flag of surrender too prematurely, ran away and turned my back much too soon. And then, with the ‘what might have been’s’ I am left a heavy hold on my heart.
With every outing to the bar you can have front row tickets to the evidence of the grass is always greener phenomenon. As married men catch a glimpse of a fresh new drink of water and tug desperately at their wedding band and slip it into their jeans pocket. Then, waltzing over to the hot little number they make small talk, tell her how beautiful her eyes are and how sexy she is and lure her in with the promise of a lavish sushi dinner.
Women astonish me just the same. Leaving their wedding ring on their dresser tucked neatly away in their jewelry box .Then, finding the most visually pleasing top in their wardrobe and slipping on their hooker boots then heading to the bar. Then once among the men they smile and giggle and hang on to every word that comes out of the men’s mouths and then they seductively turn to their girlfriends and start kissing them all in hopes I guess, that the men sprout a boner and offer them a drink, tell them their eyes are beautiful and go on and on about how sexy they are and promise them a sushi dinner. They will worry about the lie they’ll weave with their husbands and the sitter they will need to find later.
*Rolls her eyes* Happy Valentine’s day everybody! ~Cheers~
You can leave the bag of cheetos and the chocolate cupcakes on my porch.

Li' waynes pullin me through.

I never thought I'd be here. I mean, I totally knew I would have a darling little home of my own at the ripe old age of 27. But I never, pictured having it alone.
The idea of this house was so picture-perfect. And the sense of pride and accomplishment that came with preparing for it was nothing short of amazing. But after all my things were moved in and my friends had gone home. The reality hit me like a shit ton of bricks being dropped off of a bull dozer.
Holy Mary Mother of God I AM NOW OFFICIALLY THE CAT LADY and ALONE.
Life sure throws us for loops. I thought with such certainty that My Mr. Big and I would have it all despite of us not having it all together. Then I guess 'life' happened as it always seems to do and he has taken a different road and I am starting on a new one solo.
But.. in the words of Lil' Wayne.. 'Life is like a roller coaster then it drops you. But, why should I scream for this is my theme park'???
I just miss some things that came along with a relationship. No, Excuse me.. Not a relationship because the last thing on earth I want right now is another one of those. But with loving someone. No, Excuse me again, not just someone, because I suppose if I wanted just someone I could have that and the thought of just a someone makes me a little queasy. I guess.. It's.. him.
Loving a person whole heartedly is an amazing phenomena. If ever given the chance I highly suggest taking it. Its a feeling like no other on earth. To look at a person and just love every bit and every piece of them. To listen to every word and care so much about what they are saying. To laugh with someone. To lay with that person. To make love to that person. To imagine growing old with them and having babies with them. To knowing that whatever kind of bullshit happened that day they could help bring you back from it with a simple joke. To the safe secure feeling their embrace could provide. That, I miss that.
And, ya know.. I'm not so certain I will ever find that again. And it scares the hell out of me. Because having someone love you that way is fantastic but nothing compares to you feeling it. Nothing. And me being who I am can not settle for anything less than that. My heart is incapable of compromise.
So maybe I will be alone. Forever. Up on the hill with my two cats and puppy drinking wine from the bottle, eating top ramen, mowing my lawn in my bikini and sombrero singing "Copacabana", flipping off my neighbors. But I'll be happy knowing I felt it once.
Even though now, some days, I wish he would suffer intense amounts of pain, move to Siberia, or be eatin by grizzly bears. There are other days I wish so much he would show up on my door step with a sign that says " I miss you. I love you. I am so sorry" I know that will never happen.
So, I'll date I guess. Although, I can't imagine being anyone Else's anything. I don't want to be any one's anything, especially any ones girlfriend. So bring on the Cheetos! Top Ramen, 7 dollar wine and copious amounts of chick flicks! And please bring on my girlfriends.. Lord knows I am gonna need em'.
*Cheers single life* I'm baaaack. Just a lot poorer.

Should auld acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind..

Sometimes I guess, you have to touch the fire before it burns out.

And sometimes, you let your hand sit there for a really long time. Long after the flame flickers out and the coals have been drenched with water and the smoldering smoke has died down. And then you sit there shifting through the debris praying to God to find some warmth left. You find nothing. And then, it hits you that your hand F’ing hurts! And that piece of shit fire is the one that burnt you! So you kick dirt on it and pour more water on top of the cold coals and curse its name and walk inside and lock the door and turn on your heater and crawl under the covers because who the hell needs a fucking fire these days anyway??

Yes. I went through a breakup.
Yes. Another one. ( Please hold back your astonishment)
Yes. For good this time.
YES!!! FOR GOOD!!
Yes. It hurt a bit.
Yes. I am actually Just fine.

It’s funny how fine I am in all honesty. I guess the old saying holds true, but with a little twist when it comes to my circumstance.
You don’t know what you DON’T have until its gone.
I won’t go into the details of what happened. Because quite frankly, I don’t understand. One thing I do understand is that loving a person shouldn't be so rough.
Also,I can tell you Breakups are so much easier when the other person changes. They are even easier when it’s a complete transformation. And before you know it you don’t even know the person anymore because somehow or another they managed to lose all the things you were so much in love with somewhere along the way.
I can’t quite understand how he lost all of those things. Perhaps he sat them down somewhere and forgot where he put them, or maybe he threw them away, or they were taken.. whatever happened it’s a shame. I hope he finds them again someday.
I remember all the times we swore we would never give up on us again, but it is hard to keep that promise living with the memory of how someone use to be.
I feel so much different this time around. The tears were minimal and the pain was short lived.
My friends and my family have been so supportive through it all. Even those friends I have never really considered close stepped up and helped me more than they will ever know.
I can’t help but smile when I run into our mutual friends and in their kind voices and concerned expression they reassure me that I will be ok and things will get easier and tell me how great I look and how great I am doing. Their concern and sincerity is very much appreciated, but I AM ok. I am great in fact.
I am not the one who needs their pity. Granted, I made the mistake of choosing to love the wrong man.. but that was then and this is now and I don't love him anymore.
I worry about him, sure. I wish him well and hope with my whole heart he finds whatever it is he is looking for. Lord knows we didn't set out again to say goodbye. So no hard feelings, No regrets.
I think of him rarely because, I have a good life now that I have moved on.
* Cheers *
May 2010 bring us all much happiness and better luck.

Grunt.. Grunt..Grunt *Take yourself back to the Home Improvement days. You know, Tim Taylor.. and JTT? Mmm JTT. *drools*

Helloo is anybody out there??? I know its been quite a while since I sat down and took a second to write, I have been so busy!
Why do I feel like I am explaining myself to a Long Lost Pin pal starving in Somalia or something? The guilt overwhelmed me when I attempted to log into this lone little site and forgot my damn password.
And I said I wanted to be a writer.. Phsssh.
That's me Folks. Love it or leave it. I am infamous for becoming all gung-ho about an idea and then one day shrugging my shoulders and moving on to something else.
This time, it wasn't the case however. I no longer have the leisurely time I did before. The job I have now is AWESOME. And I earn every darn dollar I get. And I LOVE it! In fact, because of my new found success, I am going to be a proud homeowner here in a little over a month. *Proud Momma bear moment minus the momma bear*
It's true. Rian bought her very own home. With the help of her incredibly wonderful and supportive grandparents who so kindly offered to borrow her the money while she waits for Mr. Obama to sign her Tax credit check. God Bless the USA. And for that dink of an Ex-president we had for indebting our country so bad that some us get to benefit from it. On second thought.. I don't think that's kosher.. But, I can't think of any other reason this is happening so it stays. Curse me if you must.
I have already been to Home Depot and picked out the paint. And light Fixtures. And tile. And Counter tops. And also made a trip to RC Willy's where I found the sofa of my dreams. And Tai Pan Trading Company where I found decorations galore. I know that a lot of it will have to wait. . but when I get done, this house is going to be tiiight!
I am also going to buy myself a puppy dog. And as silly as it may sound, I think I may quite possibly be more excited for the puppy than anything else.
What else.. Let's see, My very Own humble abode..Check. New awesome job.. Check. Puppy dog.. Check..
Sheesh.
So much has changed since September! It's funny How fast life takes you. And somehow, I know that this is only the beginning of it all. I can feel myself changing. It's a little bitter sweet to be honest. I feel myself growing up, apart, and away. Apart from some people whom I never thought I would see the day where our paths no longer conjoined. Away from things I never foresaw as something I would wish to give up. But alas, Here I am.
No more frivolous spending on T-shirts. No more drinking away my money on weekends. No more continuous eating out, although I am pretty damn sure the kind folks at Kirts Drive Inn and Bangkok Garden are going to miss me something terrible. . I am bound and determined to make my way through a cook book. (without getting sick or throwing the meals I make at unsuspecting victims) Its a new day and Age for Rian-Paige.
I think its gonna be really somethin great.

FOUR!

4 years ago you walked into my life.
We have had quite the ride. Some ups. Some downs. Periods of heavy turbulence. And a few unplanned rough landings.
But we have always boarded again. Ready for take off.
I wouldn't wanna fly with anyone else in the whole wide world.
I love you. I have from the night I met you. And I will for the rest of my life. Even when we are old and gray and I'm disappointed because you have weird Italian hair growing from every orifice of your body and you're upset because my boobs sag and my biscuit drags. And we are sittin on the porch you drinking Metamucil and I am rubbing salve on my arthritic hands while fussing at you because yes, I still think bitches brew sounds like Lagoon.


Yes...I'll still love you. Even then.
Thank you for the past 4 years.
Cheers to the Next.
Happy Anniversary Darlin.
~The Woptress

Controversy Controversy who's got the Controversy. If you got the Controversy Your out.

I landed a new job. An amazing new job. I start Monday. I can't wait.
This last job was good. I learned an awful lot. I had the chance to work with some of the most upstanding people I have ever met and some who were not.
One of the most important lessons learned was that from being spiteful and hateful and cruel and manipulative and chuck full of gossip the only person who suffers is yourself.
I am grateful for the opportunity and Thank God I am moving on.
It's funny how things unfold.
Please Hold your applause.
Heeeere's Johnny.

Interesting day of conversation

Dude @ work: O my God, These Mike and Ikes are sooo delicious. They are like, straight from the factory they are SO fresh.

* It is important to note that he was across the office from me and going on and on and on about the Mike and Ikes in the the most passionate tone of voice. One would have thought this was the first time the man discovered taste

Me: Dude, Are you usuallythis serously passionate about chewy candies?
Dude @ work: No.. just THESE. Try them they are extraordinary. *pause for dramatic chew* And.. for the record I am passionate about everything.

* I think its also important to note mainly due to timing and being able to follow this story to the point of it.(yes there is one) that dude is passionate. about. everything. Politics.. wheew boy. Budget..O man. The jalapeno jelly he made..watch out! and now Mike and Ikes.

Other non-important lady I work with in the room: You weren't passionate earlier when we were talking about romance.
Me: Umm yeah cause he isn't 60 and curling up with menopause to a Danielle Steel novel.
*Note: No I didn't actually say this. But I thought it. And wanted to. Bad.
Him: Well that's because having a wife is like * pause for dramatic chew* having your finger cut off.
Me: W H A T?
Him: You know.. Phantom finger. Its not actually there but it is. Same with wives.
Me: * uncomfortable laugh * WHAT?!?!
Him: They may be cut off but its like they are still there!
Me: I know what phantom finger is. But what in the Hell does this have to do with your passion for your new found romance with the Mike and Ikes?!?
Him: I am passionate about my wife like I would be for my finger.
Me: You are comparing your wife to a severed digit? You should go home and thank your wife. And hug her. A lot.
Him: Why?
Me: Because in 3 sentences you single handily talked me out of marriage. And how on earth you convinced a woman to marry you is well.. you owe her. Lots.
Him: Like the rest of my Mike and Ikes.
Me: *Roll of eyes*

*Note. The conversation ended without any harm done to him or the box of chewies.
However, I will never think of men the same again. In fact, If the thought of a woman's, well, you know.. didn't give me the heebeegeebees I think I might be lesbian.

Speaking Of lesbians:
Fast forward 2 hours.
* To set the scene, I was at dinner with my sister and my step Mother at a farely empty Indian Restaurant. We were talking about my Grandparents religious beliefs,(Which I'll write about in the future someday)
When this burly woman sitting a few tables up from us turned and joined in the conversation. Those of you who know me know that this is not in anyway OK with me.

Burly chick: I have to say you guys sound like you are having too much fun.
Me: * Eye roll*
Step Mom: Well come and Join us.
Burly chick: OK. Lifts chairs above her head and sits down at our table.
Me: * Gasp*
Step Mom: What do you do?
Burly Chick: I am a dog sitter. I stay at peoples houses and watch dogs.
Step Mom: O my God I have a Dog!

* Note this conversation goes on for upwards of 30 minutes with my stepmother showing Burly chick all of her puppy photos.

Me: * Thinking all the while ' do people do this? Have strange people stay in their houses while they are away to watch their dog? I mean really? Does this not seem at all a little strange? I mean for God sake you barely know Ms Burly here.. she could be a serial killer! Or a burglar! I mean its established the woman prefers woman. What if she goes sniffing your pantie drawer. Seems like a huge risk to take and all over a flipping dog?! Ridiculous if you ask me' Then I remember they aren't asking me and I am asking myself questions to myself in my own mind' I stopped.
StepMom: Rian! Tell *I forgot her name* Burly chick what you were just saying. It was HILARIOUS.
Me: I don't think that's all that appropriate talking about religion to a com..
StepMom: TELL HER!!
Me: Ok.. Well when I was little I knew my grandparents believed in something called Urantia. I asked my Mother..
Burly Chick: Urantia? What is that?? What is their principle belief system?!?
Me: Well they believe in God and Christ But they tie the universe into their belief's..
Burly Chick: I don't believe In God!
Me: O o o o K...
Burly Chick then proceeds to tell us about the death of her sister and being raised as a roman catholic and doubt doubt doubt sin sin sin. And then asked me: If there is a God why would God allow the woman of Somalia to be raped and murdered? And all the other horrible things like Genocide to occur? How could he be all knowing and all powerful and sit back and allow THAT to happen?!?
Me: Free will. That was God's gift to us. Free Will.
Burly Chick: Well it doesn't make any sense. Show me proof. I'll believe.
Me and what I wanted to say but instead sat there as I always do when it would be awesome to not be a chickenshit: Well.. Take your teeth for example. You could brush them. But no, you choose not to. You have chosen not to practice good hygiene and allow your teeth to turn that there grayish brown color. That. Dear burly chick, is free will. Because If God could come down and perform miracles on a day to day basis, I'll bet your bottom dollar he'd give you some Colgate!
Burly chick after the long pause of me imagining what to say: If God were to come down imagine what the people these days would do to him? We thought the first persecution was bad! Well, I better go..I could chat all day about this. It was nice talking to you.
StepMom: Yes I have your card. I'll call ya.
Burly Chick. Yes do. Lets chat I don't have many friends.
Me: Wonder why
I am still re-cooping from the death stare I got from my Stepmother.

Everything you want to know and then some plus 37

1. I am scared of basically everything. Including Fish, Birds, Spiders, Snakes and enchilada cheese.
2. I wish I had a southern accent. Like, really bad.
3. When I was little I would pretend I was a waitress, a Police officer or a Genie.
4. When I was 5 I convinced my Aunt my floral pajamas were an outfit and wore them to a fancy restaurant.
5. I get tired of things after 6 months.
6. I won best author in 3rd grade with a story about a can of magic beans that make you toot. No kidding.
7. I am attracted to men that have big snouts.
8. I dislike the word ‘sexy’. So much I have stopped dating someone who says that to me.
9. It makes me uncomfortable when a person doesn’t make eye contact with me.
10. I never finish my drinks. I don’t know why.
11. I can never seem to screw the lid on to the Orange juice correctly.
12. I lose the toothpaste cap. Every time. AND I squeeze from the middle.
13. I want 2 children.
14. I would like to own a pot bellied pig named Lola.
15. I really wish the O.C. was still on television.
16. I want to write a book. I have no idea what to write it about.
17. In 9th grade I puked during our class panoramic picture. On the cutest boy in school.
18. In 8th grade I fell in front of the ENTIRE school while dancing to ‘Yellow Submarine’
19. I have a thing for drummers
20. My boyfriend’s house is haunted. The ghosts name is Chet. I think Chet is an asshole.
21. My mother caught me smoking when I was like 11. She made me eat them. My father brought me candied cigarettes as a joke. My mother hit him with them. I didn’t smoke again until I was 24.
22. My imaginary friend’s name was Penelope.
23. I had a cat named Poo who ran away. I was convinced he ran away to the North Pole to eat snow. He really ran away because I would put him in the toilet and stuck him down my diaper.
24. I would pour my spagettios down my diaper too. I guess to save them for later.
25. My favorite song when I was little was Boy Georges “Coma coma coma Cameleon”
26. I had a crush on the kid form the Goonies and pretended I couldn’t breathe so I could have an inhaler too. I couldn’t convince my doctor.
27. I pretended I fell while rollerblading. Made up the entire thing and the doctor took X-rays and put on a pink cast. I soaked it off in the hot tub 3 days later.
28. I use to tell people that my Mothers orange Kool-aide mustache was her accessory of choice. You know, like your CTR ring.
29. I use to wear a CTR ring to fit in on the playground. I had no clue what it meant.
30. I played Puck in a Midsummer’s Nights Dream.
31. I want to go to Thailand.
32. I love Brussels sprouts.
33. I have been stung by a bee twice. Each time I stepped on one.
34. When I was in a car accident at age 5, I hit my face on the wind shield. I wasn’t wearing a seat belt because I was wearing a pink hula hoop dress and didn’t want to crinkle it. I kept shrieking to the paramedics “My poor beautiful face!!”
35. I use to play an old Monkees Record on my grandmothers record player over and over and over to ‘Day dream believer’
36. My grandfather taught me how to ride my bike.
37. I was convinced I would marry Joey McIntyre from New Kids on the Block.
38. My old boss waived a shotgun at me once in a bar parking lot.
39. I knew I would Love my boyfriend the minute I laid eyes on him
40. I was married for two years. Then I met my boyfriend.
41. I am only competitive when it comes to how cute I look compared to other women.
42. I think Whiskey tastes like a grandfathers burp.
43. Farts make me laugh.
44. I think Family Guy is the most creative television show ever produced.
45. I want to be cremated. Note: If anyone puts me in an open casket I will haunt the hell out of you!
46. I would like to live in another state for awhile.
47. I wish I had a boat.
48. I rarely make the right decision. (Perhaps it’s because I don’t wear that CTR ring)
49. I love my car.
50. I could be a cowgirl.
51. I take slutty women personally.
52. I don’t care much for Oprah.
53. I wish I lived on the set of the Brady Bunch.
54. I wish the Jetsons and Fragel Rock were still on television.
55. Halloween is my favorite holiday. I don’t know why. I get upset every year at the fact that finding a costume that doesn’t resemble a Las Vegas call girls apparel is out of the question.
56. I like to drink wine from regular cups.
57. I plug my nose when I take shots.
58. I can’t say pneumonia or aluminum right
59. I get car sick if I look away from the road
60. I am a prude. Or so my boyfriend tells me.
61. I have never seen my mother and step Dad kiss that goes for my Grandparents to.
62. My mother told me I looked like a ten cent hooker once when I wore red nail polish. I have never worn it since.
63. I wish I had never cut my hair.
64. I bore easily
65. I was born without patience
66. My right pinky toe is miss shaped.
67. Tommy Hilfiger cologne smells like wet quarters to me.
68. I ate octopus once and it stuck to my tongue.
69. I was locked in a trunk.
70. It grosses me out when people lick things. Popsicles, envelopes, ice cream etc...
71. I cried in the movie I am Legend
72. Eternal Sunshine for the Spotless Mind is my favorite film.
73. I have a girl-crush on Jennifer Needles, the lead singer from Sugarland.
74. I have a regular crush on Robert Downy Junior. Oddly enough my boyfriend looks absurdly similar to him.
75. I think we should have a country wide nap time every day in the middle of the day like Spain and Mexico has. We should also be able to drink wine for lunch.
76. I love ethnic food.
77. I have never owned a big girl purse. Only tote bags.
78. I had my tongue pierced for 1 whole day.
79. I attract addicts.
80. I think Red bulls taste like wet smartees
81. I think I look terrible in Black
82. I like to copy other people but hate when someone copies me
83. I kill plants when I try to grow them
84. I can’t make Minute rice or mashed potatoes
85. I am not a very good decorator
86. Women usually don’t like me very much.
87. I am very animated
88. I am an unorganized Virgo. I think it’s because my Dad teased me so much when I was younger about being a Virgo.
89. I enjoy scheduled spontaneity
90. I don’t like it when things don’t go the way I wanted them to.
91. I want to one day go to the airport and buy one of the only available tickets to wherever it is going and go.
92. I love Yoga. But lose focus.
93. I don’t enjoy Breakfast foods. I usually eat cheetos and a Dr Pepper.
94. I loved sushi until I drank a bottle of Saki and puked it all over the dashboard of my car.
95. I love to watch Crime T.V.
96. I don’t like Harry Potter.
97. If you wan to piss me off wear socks with sandals and take me to Wal Mart.
98. I hate waiting in lines
99. I don’t think Roller Coasters are fun
100. I played catch with my hamster when I was little and still feel really really bad about it. He didn’t die... but still...

When a Dog bites.. When a Bee stings

Because of my resent and pesky funk I have emerged into, I have decided to make a list of all the little things that make me smile. I thought that this may help transcend me into my usual partially positive, life~isn’t~so~bad~a~tude. Here It goes.
*COUGH COUGH*
Clean, fresh, smell-good, downy soft sheets.
Gerber Daisy’s.
My Boyfriends laugh.
My Grandfather’s jokes.
My Grandmothers eye rolls at my Grandfathers jokes
Rainy days and nowhere to go
My little sisters homemade Oreo cookies
I dream of Jeanie and The Brady Bunch Re runs.
A fresh homemade watermelon kamikaze with good friends.
Tomato Sandwiches. With toasted wheat bread, Fresh Basil, salt & pepper and cream cheese.
A brand new pair of socks. Straight from the package.
A good-morning, good afternoon, or hello beautiful text message. ( I reckon it can say anything as long as Beautiful follows)
The song “Little ways” by Dwight Yoakam.
Genuineness( If its not a word, It is Now! )
Eric's kisses.Any kiss but I especially love the ones he gives me only every once in awhile where he closes his eyes and gives me multiple smooches all in a row on the mouth, cheek, forehead and head.
Clementine’s purr
Polaroids.
Little teeny tiny figurines.
The smell of patchouli oil. ( Yes, I shave my armpits!)
Any song by the Judds.
Old Photos of my Mother.
My Great Grandmothers patchwork quilt.
Pimento Cheese Sandwiches and Beanie Weenies.
Puppy Dogs.
A cigarette after an ice cold beer along side good conversation
The way my Father smells.
A blackberry swirled soft serve ice cream cone from Warrens.
A package with my name on it.
Ducks crossing the road all in a row.
Being woke up by sunlight flooding into a room.
A brand new outfit.
Steve Miller Bands lyric “ I really love your peaches wanna shake your tree”
A new hair-do
The smell of Pine trees
The airport. There you can find people at their truest moments. There is nothing better than people watching in an airport.
Dancing to Elvis
My 1970’s orange, brown and green chair. It rocks. Literally.
Experiencing goosebumps
Haunted houses ( after I get done crying )
Experiencing goosebumps on my heart ( I have only experienced this while at church watching Eric play his drums and while in the mountains talking about God with my Dad)
Facials
Butterflies ( Real and Figurative )
Old movies. The classics. ( Like..Goonies, Wild Hearts Can’t be broken, Steel Magnolias, Legend, Babes in Toyland, Labyrinth, The Princess Bride, The man in the moon, Fried Green Tomatoes, The never Ending Story, Dirty Dancing and Ghost)
The big, hairy, almost heart shaped Red monster from the old Looney Tunes. ( You know what I am talking about, teenage girls rat there hair nowadays almost exactly like this guy)
Boating ( With Dramamine in hand )
Playing like a child ( My boyfriend and I do this often)
Crying a good cry.. like the one when my Baby Nephew was born
Playing dress up
Entertaining
Seeing an elderly couple hold hands
Little drink umbrellas
New soap
My Meme’s mashed potatoes and fried green tomatoes.
Chicago dogs and Big League chew at a baseball game
Cotton Candy Bubbalicious bubble gum
Cupcakes
A cozy cotton hoody
Lightning storms
Monte Cristo
Rottweilers
The song 'Brown Eyed girl'
The memory of Eric and I's first date " Welp.. See ya later"
A bottle of Beaujolais out of dixie cups
Windows down with my feet on the dashboard
Fun Dip
Bouncy balls
When people read what I write and like it.
To name a few and in no particular order…
Holy Moly.. It worked!

Yeew Heew.. Sunshine? The skies are gettin a little gray over here

I need an attitude adjustment. That statement alone should be able to clue you all in to how my last few weeks have been going. But in case you are a moron, things are SHITTAY Yes, so crappy that I had to special-spell the layman's term of Shitty.
One: I fainted. Collapsed. Then plundered onto the hard, hot cement outside of the local watering hole in front of actual real live breathing people. I don’t know what happened. Ironically the doctors have no clue either. ‘It could have been the heat, dehydration, locked knees, or stress.’
Well... Seeming how I didn’t do shit all day all long that pretty much eliminates suggestion #1. I drank plenty of Dr Pepper, sprite and water so, No to #2. and while we are on the subject of drinking, I know what you are probably thinking. Rian at the watering Hole? How many Kamikazes’ did she have? 2. Which if you know anything about me at all you know that 2 Kami’s would do nothing to me. SO NO! I WASN’T INTOXICATED! Stress? Now, that may have something to it.
So there I was lying on the hot, hard cement outside of the local watering hole. My friends and foes and complete who the hell are you’s standing around my unresponsive body and the bouncer doing sternum rubs to get me to respond. It’s still unclear to me if I was in fact not breathing. Either way it felt like I’d imagine a tractor to the chest would feel. I awoke to pain and gawking faces and my head being held by the big burley door dude. Immediate reaction. Pissed! Let go of me! Why the hell are you holding my head?! Stare hard retards!Let me up! Yes I know my name idiot!
After the paramedics came and I refused to be transported to the ER in their ‘take every last dime you have’ mobile. My sweet boyfriend came to my rescue and filled my mind with scary what if you die like that Natasha brod stories. So, after they had me real good and paranoid my boyfriend, my good friend Krisi and Mike took me to the ER.
We sat down as a rather large man was rolled into the room by a weighed down wheelchair. Never have I felt sorry for an inanimate object before this day. The man looked as if he had been on a shower strike since 1951. And the moan this man was letting out was one of the most terrifying sounds I have ever had to listen to. MURRRAAARRGGGH over and over and over again. You would have thought that this mans lower half was separating and running away from his upper half. Ironically when the Nurse left the room the wailing ceased. This guy ought to get the Academy award along side his Oxycodone refill. The nurse took me back to a room first. Me. The girl wanting to go home insisting she was fine over the theatrical elephant man. Sucker.
The four of us waited in the room until a Doogie Howser look alike strolled in. I insisted I knew how it appeared but (I’ll say it again for those in the back who had a hard time hearing me before) I was NOT drunk! He took blood, wanted a CAT scan, X-ray’s the whole sha-bang. After my last ER visit I know an aspirin is about the same price as a down payment on a house so I asked him to please do only what he thought was absolutely necessary. A comment like that is like asking Abercrombie and Fitch if their 250 dollar jeans will make you breakfast in the mornings. Bringing cost into the equation made the doctor and his nurse hate my ever loving guts. But after 3 hours I received a clean bill of health with exception of having a significant concussion.
Over the next 5 days I felt dizzy, nauseous, spacey, dreamy, weak, confused along side a pounding brain rattling headache. It was heaps of fun.
I missed work. Two days of it. To make a long story short they are not at all happy with me. I think they must have been sitting way way way way in the back when I explained before that no, I didn’t pass out because I was drunk. Why? because I WASN’T DRUNK!
Regardless of my explaining I have gotten the cold shoulder since from every one at work. It’s August and I am in need of a parka.
On another note, a very off- key awful note..My Boyfriend and I found a cute little precious House. We applied. We got it. We set the move in date for September 1st. August 3rd we got word that my boyfriends work is out of work. Everyone knows no work, no money. No money, no house. No house, DAMN IT! Because living with your father when about to turn the ripe ole age of 27 is AWESOME.
I don’t get paid enough to sit by Satan who is parading around as Jack Nicholson all day to carry us for even a minute and it certainly doesn’t help that I have been running around town waving my credit card around like a physcopath to every new T-shirt that comes into view. And I still owe the ER a couple Hundo from my last visit where I was given a dose of magic Benadryl.
So if you have asked me in the past 2 weeks how I am and I have said "great, "fine", "good", "wonderful", "dandy" or even "ok" I was lying to you. I have now came to the realization that denial is not just a river in Egypt. I am mad. About lots of things. Pretty much in regards to everything. I have a real bad case of the F-it's.
Lately, my Mother’s side of the family in me has surfaced and all I can do is think... You’re 27 and live with your parent! You are broke, This is not AT ALL what you had in mind, life sucks, then ya die, and your hair is ugly!
Who wants to blow some sunshine up my ass?

Pop Stars and Goddess's

I have been intimidated to write after my last blog was brutally massacred and what was left of its tiny body was pasted to a local independent newspaper for all the world to see. RIP hopes of becoming a talented writer.
I guess I am taking it a little too personally. Forgive me. But for heavens sake nothing in that teeny tiny article had anything left after it's editing that made it mine. All my 'Rianisms' I happen to love so dearly were cut out. Damn you City Weekly. Damn you!
Anyway..
Lets change the subject. We could talk about what everybody else on this darn planet is talking about. Shall we? Yes. ( and yes, I answer my own questions now. It seems to be the only viable option in order to get what I want)
Michael Jackson. Tragic. Really. My heart goes out to his Children and his Family for their loss. Its been over a week now and if I hear one more MJ joke I might lose my mind. One more newscast devoted to the toxicology report results or burial sight or who gets the children I may unplug my television set. I can't even get on the Internet without some new headline in regards to this mans untimely death. I can tell you the results of the toxicology report. DRUGS. Copious upon copious amounts of them. As for his children's future.. Bless their hearts and I hope his mother gets custody. Or Janet. On second thought maybe just his mother.. we wouldn't want little Blanket enduring any wardrobe malfunctions at such a tender age.
I just can't seem to wrap my mind around the massive attention and grief this has received. Farrah Died. Ed McMahon Died and how about the hundreds or even millions of U.S. Soldiers that have died overseas for our freedom rather than our entertainment? I don't remember a newscast devoted to them or a moment of silence granted by the US congress or crowds of people at their funerals who they were fighting for in the first place. Forgive me, but it seems a little asinine to me. Has Thriller or Beat It or the sequin glove kept our streets safe, offered us the freedoms to say and live as we choose? Now had his albums reformed health care or lowered taxes or helped in finding a cure for cancer I could understand. But No. Entertainment, Inspiration, Crotch grabbing, Moon walking, survival of the 80's and a lot of gossip is really all it attributed to. All I am saying is the amount of energy, passion and respect the world is showing this man is also very much deserved to many other's as well. Rest in Peace King of Pop.
On to another subject.
I have been thinking a lot lately about religion and spirituality. As you all know I have been attending church on Sundays with my Boyfriend. I enjoy it very much. I also have been having deep conversations with my Father as well as my friends.
Last night I went to a Moon ceremony in honor of the Full Moon and the Goddess within. As I do in church I sat back and tried to remain open minded as I took it all in. With this particular experience it was hard to absorb it all in as I was shimmy and shaking along with these women in order to release the negativity from my body and balance my Chakras. We also wrote down all the things that we no longer need in our lives onto a piece of paper and released it into the fire. As I watched these women do this I saw how liberating it was for them. It was kind of neat to be able to experience it with them. Overall it was a really awesome and unique experience to be a part of. And although I don't think I got in touch with my inner 'goddess' or experienced enlightenment that night, I do think I came to a realization.
For me, my spirituality is something I would like to keep between myself and God. Something Personal I want to share with only my Family and my close friends. I don't want to bare testimony, I don't want to preach, I don't want to wear a name tag, I don't want to wear special clothing, do a sacred dance or take part in rituals. I just want to listen to beautiful music, see God's beauty all around me, take in the small miracles and blessings I have been given and aspire to better myself as a person each day of my life. I want to find God and experience God with freedom.
And for those who enjoy rituals, studies, testimonies, missions, chants, prayers, exercises, group devotionals, what have you. All power to you and to each their own. Who am I to say what's right or wrong or weird or crazy. I just know what works for me. Maybe as I get older things will change and I too will find something I choose to do to get in touch with God. Who knows what tomorrow brings. But I welcome it as I always have with an open heart and an open mind.

Tender topics stuffed away in the closet

Recently, there has been coverage in the media about Gay rights. From legalizing marriages to Pride parades to Adam Lambert coming out of the closet. I'm sorry, but if this young man was ever in the closet it was made of plexi-glass and the doors were left wide open.
(Nothing new) However, one story caught my boyfriend's eye who then caught my ear leading me to think twice about it. On the sitcom, 'So you think you can dance' there were two homosexual men who did a dance as a couple. One of the judges (conveniently a Simon Cowell look-a-sound-the-same ) critiqued the song choice. Saying that particular song was more suited for a man and woman duo. Well wouldn't ya know it. The gay community was in an up-roar. You would have thought that God himself started raining down playboys.
Now let me make myself clear. I could care less if a person is Gay or not gay or if they like both. I support Gay marriage. To each his own and mind your business is how I try to live my day to day. But I do find myself getting a little agitated when a community of people make a huge fuss over the smallest issue. A SONG??? Are ya kidding? Its not like he condemned these two men to Hell. He simply gave his opinion. Which let me remind you people, he is paid to do!
After several complaints and lime lit scrutiny he had to give a public apology for this statement. Why? Just as my Boyfriend has said , It would be so nice to see a person in the spotlight say "You know what, I'm not sorry. I didn't do anything wrong." How refreshing would it be to see someone refuse and point out how ridiculously sensitive people are. In this case it was over something so non-judgemental and without any homophobic innuendo what-so-ever.
What I don't understand is why the Gay community is able to say whatever they want in regards to people who don't share their lifestyle. I have yet to hear an apology from the other side of the spectrum. Example: This last Sunday here in Salt lake City a Gay rights activist spoke out against the leaders of the LDS church. Was he urged to make a apology? No, and I am sure many people of the Mormon faith were offended.
If people don't want to be treated differently then why do they go to such lengths to behave so much differently?
Adam Lambert is phenomenally talented. Does the fact that the boy prefers a Him over a Her change that? Ummm no. It makes him no better, no worse.
You want equality? Then pick your battles my friends. Those people who push their lifestyles on others IE: religious fanatics, Government officials, ignorant people etc.. are wrong. And it is my opinion that the individuals on the other side of these tender topics can be just as much in the wrong. Perhaps people could think twice about parading around in eccentric outfits or acting outrageous in order to express your differences in sexual preference, religious beliefs, Race, what have you.
This is not just a problem with Homosexuality it presents itself in every issue on earth. Just the other day I drove passed a car with a gigantic PRO LIFE sticker on her car. Why? Your opinion is your opinion and more than likely your outfit, your bumper sticker, your hateful words, your complaints and out cries are not going to change any one elses point of view. So why bother?
If a man and a man want to get married who cares??? You think God is against it? Then think God is against it. Those two individuals will be the ones facing the big man on their judgement day so how about we leave it to him!
Respect each other. Accept each other. People come in all shapes and sizes and shades of color. Who are we to decide what the right fit is? Or the right color? Just shut up and.. live your life squared, circled, octagoned, blue, orange, chartreuse, however you'd prefer. If you don't like me or the lifestyle I am leading. Don't. Chances are I don't like you or yours. But, do we really need banners and stickers and T-shirts to broadcast our differences to the world?

Sunday Bloody Sunday

My memorial day weekend was one of the more memorable weekends I have had in awhile
thanks to a bizarro Sunday afternoon. It started off as usual, woke up to take Eric to church, got in the car, decided to stop at McDonald's, was served by a lady who resembled IT. I never found Mcmuffins horrifying until this day. She left out Eric's order so we had to ask a man who I am certain was just released from prison 2 hours prior to starting his shift. Parents beware. It's no longer the Hamburglar you have to watch out for at the playland. We drove to Layton and while pulling into the parking lot and being directed to make a sharp right to the side of the building I made a sharp as hell turn right into the curb! According to Eric my face was that of a priceless 'O shit! What the hell happened?!?' I remember his face was that of " Are you shitting me woman what the hell were you thinking??!!" And then we watched my hub cab roll up the side walk. I opened my door to asses the damage. Upon stepping out I heard a continuing 'whoooooooooooosh' from all the air escaping from my tire out of a huge gaping hole. All Eric could do was laugh. Hysterically. Leading me to laugh. Hysterically. I made him swear to secrecy because of how mortified I was to be myself in that moment. Standing out in the rain in my jammies searching for a jack because I drive like a jack-ass. all the while trying to pass the buck on him by saying, had he not told me how to drive none of this would have happened in the first place. Then turning around to see the huge curb that I so blindly collided into, wondering where a sewer pipe might me so I could slither in and hide for the rest of my days.. Now here I am blogging about it? Nice.
We never found a Jack so we had no other choice than to go ask one of his band members if they had one.
So there I was in my pajamas glaring at my boyfriend to not say another word as he tried with all his might to hold in his laughter as he changed my tire while his guitarist inquisitively persisted on knowing how that big hole in the inside of my tire wall happened. Finally I caved and fessed up to my mishap. My boyfriend and his guitarist's chuckles were quickly interrupted by the Dixie chicks serenading from someones cell phone. Surprisingly, It wasn't my cell phone and it was coming from my Boyfriends pants. He turned bright red when he realized that it was his phone and after I had lent him my old cell he forgot to change the ring tone. He tried to explain as he looked up to his Rock-n-roll Guitarist who had the most puzzled expression on his face because he was probably humming a power ballad by Guns n Roses in his head and the sweet honkey tonk chick jam interuppted the sick guitar solo.. The song 'Cowboy take me away' will forever bring us to laughter.
Anyway.. I returned to church after going home to clean myself up. Even the service felt a little off beat this particular Sunday. After the service Eric and I drove to Wal-Mart to get my tire repaired. This is where my beloved boyfriend found out how to correctly screw lug nuts onto a tire. Yep, that's right I drove clear to North Ogden and back on Backwards nuts screwed onto the doughnut to my little toaster car which was cargoing my precious life inside! I could have been killed!
I quickly forgot about my near near death experience as we played with all the bouncy balls, jump ropes, cowboy hats, baseball bats, night vision goggles, bicycle horns and poping pushing infant toys in the toy section waiting for my car to be fixed. And all the way home I was entertained by the inner child inside my boyfriend as he played with his new flute, his new red yo-yo and fashioned his new spandex pirate tattoo sleeve for all the passer-bys on the freeway. I haven't laughed that hard in one day in.. well, ever.
Fortunately my Toaster wasn't damaged besides the the two tires. And fortunately I had my boyfriend there to help me learn to laugh at myself even in the 'O shit' moments. Because shit will happen. And I think when wading through the shit, a shit-eaten grin makes it much more bearable, a Yo-Yo and a flute doesn't hurt to have around either.
So, Memorial day weekend has passed. The hot as the devil summer days are upon us. I have some exciting events up and coming. Like.. In approximately 3 weeks I will be an Aunt. I am so so excited to meet my new nephew. Despite the fact that kids usually make me want to put armpit high rubber gloves on and carry around large quantities of ear plugs. I am pumped!
The birth of the baby means my Sister Megan is coming home. I miss her.
I am going to Bear lake next weekend to have a one nighter get away with my boyfriend and his band. Last time I was in bear lake I almost ran the place dry of fresh raspberry milkshakes and spent the entire day in search of the lock-nest monster. I plan on doing the exact same thing this time around.
Hopefully we manage to avoid anymore run-ins with sneaky curbs.
June ought to be a good month.