Interesting day of conversation

Dude @ work: O my God, These Mike and Ikes are sooo delicious. They are like, straight from the factory they are SO fresh.

* It is important to note that he was across the office from me and going on and on and on about the Mike and Ikes in the the most passionate tone of voice. One would have thought this was the first time the man discovered taste

Me: Dude, Are you usuallythis serously passionate about chewy candies?
Dude @ work: No.. just THESE. Try them they are extraordinary. *pause for dramatic chew* And.. for the record I am passionate about everything.

* I think its also important to note mainly due to timing and being able to follow this story to the point of it.(yes there is one) that dude is passionate. about. everything. Politics.. wheew boy. Budget..O man. The jalapeno jelly he made..watch out! and now Mike and Ikes.

Other non-important lady I work with in the room: You weren't passionate earlier when we were talking about romance.
Me: Umm yeah cause he isn't 60 and curling up with menopause to a Danielle Steel novel.
*Note: No I didn't actually say this. But I thought it. And wanted to. Bad.
Him: Well that's because having a wife is like * pause for dramatic chew* having your finger cut off.
Me: W H A T?
Him: You know.. Phantom finger. Its not actually there but it is. Same with wives.
Me: * uncomfortable laugh * WHAT?!?!
Him: They may be cut off but its like they are still there!
Me: I know what phantom finger is. But what in the Hell does this have to do with your passion for your new found romance with the Mike and Ikes?!?
Him: I am passionate about my wife like I would be for my finger.
Me: You are comparing your wife to a severed digit? You should go home and thank your wife. And hug her. A lot.
Him: Why?
Me: Because in 3 sentences you single handily talked me out of marriage. And how on earth you convinced a woman to marry you is well.. you owe her. Lots.
Him: Like the rest of my Mike and Ikes.
Me: *Roll of eyes*

*Note. The conversation ended without any harm done to him or the box of chewies.
However, I will never think of men the same again. In fact, If the thought of a woman's, well, you know.. didn't give me the heebeegeebees I think I might be lesbian.

Speaking Of lesbians:
Fast forward 2 hours.
* To set the scene, I was at dinner with my sister and my step Mother at a farely empty Indian Restaurant. We were talking about my Grandparents religious beliefs,(Which I'll write about in the future someday)
When this burly woman sitting a few tables up from us turned and joined in the conversation. Those of you who know me know that this is not in anyway OK with me.

Burly chick: I have to say you guys sound like you are having too much fun.
Me: * Eye roll*
Step Mom: Well come and Join us.
Burly chick: OK. Lifts chairs above her head and sits down at our table.
Me: * Gasp*
Step Mom: What do you do?
Burly Chick: I am a dog sitter. I stay at peoples houses and watch dogs.
Step Mom: O my God I have a Dog!

* Note this conversation goes on for upwards of 30 minutes with my stepmother showing Burly chick all of her puppy photos.

Me: * Thinking all the while ' do people do this? Have strange people stay in their houses while they are away to watch their dog? I mean really? Does this not seem at all a little strange? I mean for God sake you barely know Ms Burly here.. she could be a serial killer! Or a burglar! I mean its established the woman prefers woman. What if she goes sniffing your pantie drawer. Seems like a huge risk to take and all over a flipping dog?! Ridiculous if you ask me' Then I remember they aren't asking me and I am asking myself questions to myself in my own mind' I stopped.
StepMom: Rian! Tell *I forgot her name* Burly chick what you were just saying. It was HILARIOUS.
Me: I don't think that's all that appropriate talking about religion to a com..
StepMom: TELL HER!!
Me: Ok.. Well when I was little I knew my grandparents believed in something called Urantia. I asked my Mother..
Burly Chick: Urantia? What is that?? What is their principle belief system?!?
Me: Well they believe in God and Christ But they tie the universe into their belief's..
Burly Chick: I don't believe In God!
Me: O o o o K...
Burly Chick then proceeds to tell us about the death of her sister and being raised as a roman catholic and doubt doubt doubt sin sin sin. And then asked me: If there is a God why would God allow the woman of Somalia to be raped and murdered? And all the other horrible things like Genocide to occur? How could he be all knowing and all powerful and sit back and allow THAT to happen?!?
Me: Free will. That was God's gift to us. Free Will.
Burly Chick: Well it doesn't make any sense. Show me proof. I'll believe.
Me and what I wanted to say but instead sat there as I always do when it would be awesome to not be a chickenshit: Well.. Take your teeth for example. You could brush them. But no, you choose not to. You have chosen not to practice good hygiene and allow your teeth to turn that there grayish brown color. That. Dear burly chick, is free will. Because If God could come down and perform miracles on a day to day basis, I'll bet your bottom dollar he'd give you some Colgate!
Burly chick after the long pause of me imagining what to say: If God were to come down imagine what the people these days would do to him? We thought the first persecution was bad! Well, I better go..I could chat all day about this. It was nice talking to you.
StepMom: Yes I have your card. I'll call ya.
Burly Chick. Yes do. Lets chat I don't have many friends.
Me: Wonder why
I am still re-cooping from the death stare I got from my Stepmother.