Where I'm at..

"What does she have that I don't?"
"Its what she doesn't have Rian."
"What??"
"Expectations."
It was in that moment that I lost them. Expectations. I haven't had one since. And I don't want to ever have them again.
It took me 2 years to find the beauty of letting go.
I still don't know when I'll be able to trust someone again.
After the 1500th lie one finds it hard to forgive. Even if it is human nature to lie, I have an inability to listen to them. But still somehow manage to allow them into my life time and time again. No more. Never again.
Just when I said I couldn't let anyone in. I did.I let down my wall and I confused Butterflies with Moths.
Now I have an extra super hootie duty wall built up and I soaked it with bug repellent.
I guess I'm just not ready for very much quite yet.
I am learning so much about myself. I have been needing this transition. For the first time in my life I feel grounded. Safe. Happy. Healthy and free.
Please be patient with me.