I don't think about you everyday. (I just lied right there)
There are days when I will think about what an asshole you were...Or how lonely I was with you there. Days when you won't cross my Mind until I pass somewhere we once went. A street we once drove on. I run into someone we knew. Someone mentions your name. These things happen every single day, A few times a day. Because 3 years amounts to alot of memories. Then there are the days where I miss laying in bed with you, laughing. The jokes we had and even after the 600th time of hearing them we still laughed. Our Dog. Hearing you make up the words to songs. The passion we shared. The way you smell. Your voice.
I miss you.
I know all of our apparent incompatibilities by heart. I know all the reasons we couldn't make it work. I know that after 5 months these problems don't disappear. I know people rarely change. But, that never changed my hope that maybe one day we could.
How is it possible that two people can love each other so intensely and not work out? It just doesn't seem fare. We have tried. Both of us have tried so hard. But we always seem to end up in that soul punishingly miserable place inevitably.
I stayed for years in fear that I would walk out of that door and never feel that way about someone again. I haven't and I don't know if I ever will.
Can you have more than one love of your life?
If, not then I lost it. But I had it. I was one of those lucky ones that Loved with all of me.
I can't wrap my mind around the fact that its true. Love sometimes isn't enough. And sometimes enough is finally enough. And 'too late' does exist.
But...
I want a 50/50 man. I want a marry me man. A give me a baby man.
I want a white picket fence and dinner on the table, Saturday nights in our jammies with cold beer, inside jokes, kisses and movies. I want a relationship of trust, intimacy and passion. I want to build a life with someone and not just be a part of one.
I want you. But I know you also have your wants and your needs and I am truly sorry I couldn't change. Please don't think I haven't tried to give you everything.
For a minute, I thought that we had it this time. I imagined us back together again. I imagined you lifting my Vail. I imagined a future together. But then, I realised imagination is nothing more than spiced up expectations.
I love you My Mr Big.
Miss me.
Monday, March 23, 2009
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Rian, you deserve to have the things you. I was in the same situation one time that went on for 5 years and I thought I would never feel that way again until I met someone that I felt even more for. Even thought I'm not with that person anymore he helped me get over my "Mr. Big".The "Mr. Big's" of the world are overrated. In my opinion she should have ended up with Aiden. :)
ReplyDeleteSorry friend that you are so sad and lonely. You will find your mr right someday but you just gotta keep chugging along until he comes! It will be worth it in the end!
ReplyDeletethere are so many "the one"s out there. its hard, i miss things about my ex's all the time. but i certainly dont miss being with them. and its in our blood too be whole hearted in relationships, youll do it agian. an amazing prince is searching for you right now sister. until he finds you relax and enjoy the single life. :)
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