Olive Juice.

It's 1am. I just got home from a night out with some friends. Some old, some new and some I hope to never come within 100 feet from again.
I want to start out by saying... I am Happy. I am. I may not live on the edge or strive for the riches of the world and all the success it has to offer but I am happy. I fail to see how nice vehicles, boats, and four wheelers and toys measures a persons morality. I fail to see how sex can become a bragging right and how money is your only means to acceptance and an expensive education with a fancy title is the only thing that equals intelligence.
I may be contradicting even hypocritical at times. I may not make all the right choices 100% of the time. I may be a little to sensitive and I might tend to over react from time to time. But that's me. And if you don't like it. Fuck ya.
I care way to much about things that shouldn't hold any relevance. I can't help myself. I just do.
I saw 'the boy' tonight. It felt like 1,000 little cocktail swords stabbed me in the heart all at once. Why? Because I cared. Because he mattered to me. Regardless of what I was to him.. he mattered.
I was foolish to have ever had anything to do with this kid so I take full responsibility for the heartache I endured. I knew better. His friends made me well aware of this fact tonight.
It's funny. You can try like hell to change. Try with all your might to put things behind you and move on but there are people out there who emerge at the most inopportune time to remind you of these things, never allowing you to change.
So I cried. And I will a little more. But I am going to let these tears wash away the hurt and the bitterness that the past has left me with. I am letting go of yesterday and I am going to pray that love finds it's way back to me again. And when it does, I hope with all my heart that it will be the love that lasts a lifetime.
Sometimes, in our relentless efforts to find love we fail to recognize the people who already love us. We miss out on so many beautiful things simply because we are lost in our own selfish concerns.
Goodnight.