Penguins with Margarita's

This is what I am chewing on today..
Why do people insist on giving their opinions? Advice and disapproval?
Did kindergarten teach you nothing besides paste is not to be eaten? If you have nothing nice to say.. say nothing at all.
That explains why I go 10 hours a day without uttering a word. *WORK*
I could get a wild hair up my biscuit and plan to pack my bags and move to India for a summer to become a professional yogi. Or go to Bermuda to take up Pirating. And as up surd as it may seem to you. Its not your life. It's mine. Regardless of the choices I make you will still be cozy in your life and all the 'right' decisions you have made. ( get me? )
So.. If I someday marry the man of my dreams who may not be whom you had envisioned for me. Too bad. Buy me something nice for my wedding, put on a dress and slap on a smile and love me anyway.
Also. .
I know this chick. I chose the word chick because I can't refer to the succubus as a woman. I am going to recant the 'know' and say 'am acquainted with'.
She is one of those individuals who's presence makes your skin crawl. Her eyes are proof that she is dead inside and her actions prove that she is an expert in sucking the souls out of men she encounters.
No exaggeration. And I am completely aware that I am contradicting the previous paragraph but I feel as if I am doing you peeps from the Internet a favor by warning you of these horrid things that infest our planet.
This woman has slept with more men in the little town I call home than the retired whores.
This woman sucked the soul out of someone very dear to me's man. Unacceptable.
Which brings me to another point.
Cheating. What in the hell is so difficult about keeping your willy in your pants?
Why is it an inconceivable notion to be faithful?
I think we all need to take observation of the penguin. One penguin will love and mate with just one other penguin FOR LIFE. With exception of the cold bitter terrain and the waddle I envy penguins.
I saw on the local news a while back a story about a penguin.. A picky female penguin who refused to mate and was the only single penguin in her pack. Another admirable trait.. Penguins refuse to settle. Or maybe she is a lesbian. Who's to say. But, there she is.. single, happy and not trying to waddle up on someone else's quin'.
They were allowing other zoo's to bring in male penguins to meet her for a potential 'mate'. . I hope she met her prince.
Anyway..
I need a deep margarita. A cheeseburger. A day off. The phone number to a hit man. A shovel. And I also need mouthwash. I gargled the last of it this morning. Then everything would be perfect.
This weekend is My little sisters Birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEGY. I'll call her and sing seeming how she is a milion miles away.
It is also my Mother's Birthday. I called the Vatican and rented a priest to perform an exorcism. Look for the documentary next spring.
This weekend..I am going to watch a movie with my man. I am going to do laundry. I am going to drink a deep margarita. I am going to sleep in and take naps. I am going to go to Yoga. I am going eat carrot cake with my family and come Monday I'll be ready to sit out another 40 hours in complete silence saving the world one citation, one report and one blog at a time.