Sunday, May 9, 2010

Happy Mothers Day.


Today is and has been one of the hardest days of the year for me.
Mothers Day.
A time to honor and celebrate your Mother.
And although today I was unable to share it with mine, I thought through memories and prayers She may be able to feel my love for her.
I have a photo in my living room of my Mother. She was about my age and she was so beautiful. That's How I have chosen to remember her... the way she was in that photo there.
My Mother, the women who could light up a room with her smile and radiating charisma. Her humor. Her Wit.
I remember as a child how much fun we would have together, dancing in the front room to Tracy Chapman, Dwight Yokam and Garth Brooks and Joan Osbourne to that song "What if God was one of us" We would dance for hours.
I remember how she would come wake me up in the mornings by crawling into bed with me and tickling me until I got up and we would make Eggy toast together.
I remember all of our little inside jokes we shared. How she could always make me laugh no matter how upset I was over trivial childhood things.
I remember when she would go out and my Grandmother and I would guess how many cars would pass by until she would pull into the drive. I would sit and count cars for hours.
Sometimes I still feel as if I am counting cars.. counting until the Mother I remember comes back and pulls into the drive and we can laugh and dance and play together again.
I miss you Momma. And love you. Forever and a day. Around the world and back again.
Happy Mothers day.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Can we all hold hands now and sing Kumbaya?


Lately, I have been holding my tongue on the recent political upheavals. I have been trying to remain mindful that political and religious standings go hand in hand with the concept we all learned in kindergarten. No, not the do not eat paste rule.. the other rule, If you do not have anything nice to say, do not say anything at all.
However, I feel as though I have remained silent long enough. After all, how fair is it that others views and opinions have been shoved down my throat? If they can voice their opinions then so can I. I promise to lay it out as respectfully as possible.
I voted for Obama. In fact, I think I should have been invited to the white house for dinner given my charismatic campaign techniques. For I rallied on the streets of Las Vegas, with a yard long margarita in hand yelling at the top of my Minnie mouse lungs, “ Obama for your Momma! Paint the White House black!” And I even gained Obama support from two of the most strong willed Republican, right winged Southern folk I know. My grandparents, who before would have never dreamed of the day they would see a ‘Negro’ run for office, let alone cast their vote for one. * Pats herself on the back*
In the beginning of it all, I listened and read and became very passionate about the issues that this man was promising. And when he won I celebrated. And my Passion and eagerness to learn about Politics lessened. But now, now that the country seems to be splitting in half because of recent changes and ideals I feel myself getting back involved.
There are issues that I have not or cannot seem to fully wrap my mind around. For example, I do not understand the dynamics of the banks closures and then our Government paying off the banks head honchos with several million dollars. I do not understand why or how it was thought to be acceptable to change the peoples tax ratio’s so that when tax time rolled around the majority of these people were shocked at the little amount they got back in return or in several peoples cases the amount they had to pay. And they didn’t even tell anyone about it. I know that sure ruffled my feathers! I mean how is that ok?? How does that make sense?? I understand that they were taking less out on each paycheck so our take home was greater but not by much! Obviously, because a ton of people didn’t even notice the change. And most of the people I know rely on tax time to play catch up with their returns or to participate in stimulating our economy by taking a vacation, or buying the sofa they have been wanting, or the down payment on the nice new car they have been saving for. But this year no, many of us looked at our return and wanted to personally hunt down Uncle Sam and smack the shit out of the man with his own silly ridiculous hat.
I don’t understand how when running, President Obama promised to end the War in Iraq. Yet sent several more groups of troops overseas. I am aware that Iraq is in the midst of electing a new president and forming a functioning government.. but, I guess I fail to see how this is our business. Maybe, this makes me naïve, but isn’t this a big reason why so many extremist hate America?? And I understand that some of the troops overseas are trying to get a handle on the drug crops and distribution. Which although commendable is also something that I think is aiding us in digging our own whole. Can’t we just monitor our borders and what is brought into this country better? Poppy crops are many people’s livelihood in Afghanistan. Destroying those crops are bound to cause serious retaliation. And I don’t know about you, but I think we have gone and pissed off enough of these people who have access to extreme terrorist groups just waiting for another reason to bring ‘death to America’. How about we come home now? Or, send troops to Chile to help build their country back up or Haiti or maybe Nigeria who in the last several months have fallen victim to extreme violence. Where Christian persecution has left millions of unarmed Men, Women and children slain?
America seems far too focused on Americanizing the rest of the world. And all the while America seems to be lagging behind.
In my opinion, it seems that with the billions of dollars we spend on warfare we could fight quite the war that is going on here on American soil. A war of poverty, starvation, and crime. And also help those in other countries who need and welcome some kind of help, any kind of help.
I do not understand the Healthcare Bill in its entirety. I have watched Glenn Beck and listened to his opinion, Rush Limbaugh and others, I have read opinions on the web as well as those from my friends and family. And I got to be honest, I still remain on the fence.
My attention was brought to our Nations trouble with healthcare or lack thereof after watching Michael Moores ‘Sicko’. Having watched that film I felt that Canada and France had the right Idea. I thought it to be an injustice to the American people to deny those without insurance care. And hearing Obama in his campaign promise change and reform I was thrilled. But, now that it’s here and in learning the pro’s and con’s of this bill I am having mixed emotions about it.
I do like that Medicaid will now be available to young adults without children and that Illegal Immigrants will not be covered. Not only will Illegal Immigrants not be covered through Medicaid but they won’t be covered through any other insurance even if paid with their own money. I do like that prescription costs for seniors will be cut down by 50%. I like the concept that thousands of people will now have the benefits of healthcare and no one will be refused treatment. I like that the wealthy will be paying the a higher tax required to fund this reform. They’ll still be able to afford their Yachts and keep their fancy lifestyle’s all the while contributing to a ‘charity’ of sorts right here at home. Allowing the children of low income families, as well as the family to have healthcare coverage. Inside my mind, where there are rainbows and puppies that eat cupcakes and poop out rainbows this sounds pretty darn fair and fantastic.
What I don’t like is that the Government is pretty much forcing the people to get health care coverage. Now, I can’t really understand why a person wouldn’t want insurance but I certainly don’t think they should make you have it and charge you with a hefty fine if you refuse. That’s unconstitutional! Either way you slice it! I like the idea of the reform.. And would hope that in the goodness of peoples heart’s they would participate in it and take advantage of its perks, but I certainly think that as Americans we should have a right to choose. We should have a right to decide to give our hard earned money for the cause and sign something for them to take more taxes out so that others can have insurance. Or if we don’t want to participate we shouldn’t have to.
I don’t like that they are rising the taxes on tanning salons by 10%. This will seriously hurt the industry. And that’s the last thing we should be doing is hurting more small businesses. Tanning has been linked to cancer.True. But, every Bahama bronzed person out there is aware of this. Just like cigarettes when a person takes a drag I guarandamntee you they are very much aware of the risk. If a person wants to tan their hides and smoke isn’t that their prerogative?? Why does the government have to hike up the cost? I mean.. this is America right? Since when is freedom free only if you can afford it?
People now want us to take the word God off of our money and out of the Pledge of allegiance. Why?? If the word and concept of God does not mean anything to you then why are you taking any validity into what a coin says or a song? Please, allow those of us who believe to keep it. It can be ours. The others who don’t can practice whatever it is they believe and when saying the pledge they can skip over that part like when singing happy birthday to a person whom you didn’t catch their name. And with the money buy yourself a coke, smile, and shut the hell up.
The constitution says that the Government shall work for the people and if it stops working for the people then the people have the right to stand up and say so. Well, I suppose that is what many are doing. However, an opinion doesn’t have to be laced with hateful words and accusations. Today, on a break at work I overheard an older gentlemen say “Sorry to say, but that black baby is sending our nation straight down the shitter.” And when listening to Glenn Beck I can’t help but think how much more credible his viewpoints would be if they weren’t delivered with such angst and anger. The same goes for Russ Limbaugh.. do people really take such hatred seriously?
I don’t know if I am a Liberal, a Republican, a Democrat, a member of the Tea Party or a Constitutionalist. I guess, in a nut shell I am just a free thinking American woman that believes in freedom and freedom for all. I also believe that the world is vast, as are the people of it. Culture differs from country to country, region to region, state to state. If clothing, Language, food, traditions and laws vary and are accepted then why can’t we accept that Government and Beliefs will vary as well?
Every country has their good points and their bad. And every Michael Moore, Rush Limbaugh, and Glenn Beck has the right to their opinion and the capability of glorifying it to the mainstream public through the telephoto lens of fame. Remember, it is our right as Americans to form our own opinion. And I hope we all do just that.
God Bless the whole wide world. ( No exceptions)

Friday, February 12, 2010

Romance?? You can shove your romance!


Valentine’s day again??? Boy, am I ever so glad. Valentine’s day is my favorite!! After all it’s a totally legitimate rational and logical holiday to celebrate.
I mean, Who doesn’t want a box of creamed, pureed sugar flavored like fruit covered in milk chocolate all packaged up in a pretty little box alongside a bouquet of $10 walmart lily’s probably grown by illegal aliens being held captive by that floating yellow smiling head, and a tender little card reading “you’re my one and only” ironically sold at the store at 3 for a dollar? Who?!?!… a morbidly obese person in the hospital that’s who!!!
That’s right peep’s, I am still bitter. Last year I composed a cynical collaboration of my thoughts on Valentine’s day and couldn’t not do it again this year. You’re welcome. It will cost you a bag of cheetos and chocolate cupcakes.
This year I’m doing it a little different. This past week I went to Victoria’s secret and racked up $87 in sexy underwear and a fantastic bra that turns my acceptance as president into the ity bity titi committee titties into epic tits. I’m still puzzled as to why because come February 14th I will be at home, sporting my fabulous bra and sexy skivvies under an old tee shirt and my fleece pajama bottoms, parked on my sofa with my 2 felines and puppy covered in cheeto dust and a buzz from the $4 bottle of wine I purchased, whilst enjoying ewwy gewwy chick flicks.
I have been asked out, but have kindly declined. Why? Because the boys who desire me are the epitome of douche!
So my valentine is my dog, Olive. Who happens to be just about the cutest , sweetest thing on earth. Who is always excited to see me, always showers me with kisses and loves me unconditionally. I have found the secret to happiness ladies. Puppies, junk food, wine and movies. Now, if only I could get her to quit eating the cat poop… I’d really have it all.
Slowly but surely..day by day.. I am becoming that much closer to my destiny as the crazy cat lady. Given, It’s a little earlier than I had anticipated but I am ok with it. I enjoy my own company. I happen to to be the funniest person I know.
I am not yet at that totally pathetic stage. I still go out. And every once and a while I get asked for my telephone number. And 9 times out 10 I give out my alias.. Petunia. And my alias digits 458-5669. And when the unsuspecting boar has the slightest bit of suspicion that I might be lying I’ll spit out my patent line “Please don’t laugh at my name, I received enough ridicule in grade school on the playground” And then he chuckles and puts his arm around me and 9 times out of 10 gushes about the sushi date he’ll treat me too. And I roll my eyes and wonder how it is that every man offers the exact same things.. Is there an article in the latest Maxim that claims the promise of sushi will make the chicks swoon? And if you compliment them on their eyes and call them sexy they will cream themselves and do you right then and right there on the bar floor?? I am astounded even more with each man I meet.
It is my firm belief that this generation has gone downhill considerably. Men and women have no concept of monogamy or commitment. The mentality this day and age is so self centered an me,me,me its nauseating. At the first inclination of trouble people pack their bags and call it quits. Or rather, end up banging their assistant or neighbor. Can you even imagine how many beautiful things we as people are missing out on simply because we refused to see the tough times through? I know I too have pulled out my white flag of surrender too prematurely, ran away and turned my back much too soon. And then, with the ‘what might have been’s’ I am left a heavy hold on my heart.
With every outing to the bar you can have front row tickets to the evidence of the grass is always greener phenomenon. As married men catch a glimpse of a fresh new drink of water and tug desperately at their wedding band and slip it into their jeans pocket. Then, waltzing over to the hot little number they make small talk, tell her how beautiful her eyes are and how sexy she is and lure her in with the promise of a lavish sushi dinner.
Women astonish me just the same. Leaving their wedding ring on their dresser tucked neatly away in their jewelry box .Then, finding the most visually pleasing top in their wardrobe and slipping on their hooker boots then heading to the bar. Then once among the men they smile and giggle and hang on to every word that comes out of the men’s mouths and then they seductively turn to their girlfriends and start kissing them all in hopes I guess, that the men sprout a boner and offer them a drink, tell them their eyes are beautiful and go on and on about how sexy they are and promise them a sushi dinner. They will worry about the lie they’ll weave with their husbands and the sitter they will need to find later.
*Rolls her eyes* Happy Valentine’s day everybody! ~Cheers~
You can leave the bag of cheetos and the chocolate cupcakes on my porch.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Li' waynes pullin me through.


I never thought I'd be here. I mean, I totally knew I would have a darling little home of my own at the ripe old age of 27. But I never, pictured having it alone.
The idea of this house was so picture-perfect. And the sense of pride and accomplishment that came with preparing for it was nothing short of amazing. But after all my things were moved in and my friends had gone home. The reality hit me like a shit ton of bricks being dropped off of a bull dozer.
Holy Mary Mother of God I AM NOW OFFICIALLY THE CAT LADY and ALONE.
Life sure throws us for loops. I thought with such certainty that My Mr. Big and I would have it all despite of us not having it all together. Then I guess 'life' happened as it always seems to do and he has taken a different road and I am starting on a new one solo.
But.. in the words of Lil' Wayne.. 'Life is like a roller coaster then it drops you. But, why should I scream for this is my theme park'???
I just miss some things that came along with a relationship. No, Excuse me.. Not a relationship because the last thing on earth I want right now is another one of those. But with loving someone. No, Excuse me again, not just someone, because I suppose if I wanted just someone I could have that and the thought of just a someone makes me a little queasy. I guess.. It's.. him.
Loving a person whole heartedly is an amazing phenomena. If ever given the chance I highly suggest taking it. Its a feeling like no other on earth. To look at a person and just love every bit and every piece of them. To listen to every word and care so much about what they are saying. To laugh with someone. To lay with that person. To make love to that person. To imagine growing old with them and having babies with them. To knowing that whatever kind of bullshit happened that day they could help bring you back from it with a simple joke. To the safe secure feeling their embrace could provide. That, I miss that.
And, ya know.. I'm not so certain I will ever find that again. And it scares the hell out of me. Because having someone love you that way is fantastic but nothing compares to you feeling it. Nothing. And me being who I am can not settle for anything less than that. My heart is incapable of compromise.
So maybe I will be alone. Forever. Up on the hill with my two cats and puppy drinking wine from the bottle, eating top ramen, mowing my lawn in my bikini and sombrero singing "Copacabana", flipping off my neighbors. But I'll be happy knowing I felt it once.
Even though now, some days, I wish he would suffer intense amounts of pain, move to Siberia, or be eatin by grizzly bears. There are other days I wish so much he would show up on my door step with a sign that says " I miss you. I love you. I am so sorry" I know that will never happen.
So, I'll date I guess. Although, I can't imagine being anyone Else's anything. I don't want to be any one's anything, especially any ones girlfriend. So bring on the Cheetos! Top Ramen, 7 dollar wine and copious amounts of chick flicks! And please bring on my girlfriends.. Lord knows I am gonna need em'.
*Cheers single life* I'm baaaack. Just a lot poorer.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Should auld acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind..


Sometimes I guess, you have to touch the fire before it burns out.

And sometimes, you let your hand sit there for a really long time. Long after the flame flickers out and the coals have been drenched with water and the smoldering smoke has died down. And then you sit there shifting through the debris praying to God to find some warmth left. You find nothing. And then, it hits you that your hand F’ing hurts! And that piece of shit fire is the one that burnt you! So you kick dirt on it and pour more water on top of the cold coals and curse its name and walk inside and lock the door and turn on your heater and crawl under the covers because who the hell needs a fucking fire these days anyway??

Yes. I went through a breakup.
Yes. Another one. ( Please hold back your astonishment)
Yes. For good this time.
YES!!! FOR GOOD!!
Yes. It hurt a bit.
Yes. I am actually Just fine.

It’s funny how fine I am in all honesty. I guess the old saying holds true, but with a little twist when it comes to my circumstance.
You don’t know what you DON’T have until its gone.
I won’t go into the details of what happened. Because quite frankly, I don’t understand. One thing I do understand is that loving a person shouldn't be so rough.
Also,I can tell you Breakups are so much easier when the other person changes. They are even easier when it’s a complete transformation. And before you know it you don’t even know the person anymore because somehow or another they managed to lose all the things you were so much in love with somewhere along the way.
I can’t quite understand how he lost all of those things. Perhaps he sat them down somewhere and forgot where he put them, or maybe he threw them away, or they were taken.. whatever happened it’s a shame. I hope he finds them again someday.
I remember all the times we swore we would never give up on us again, but it is hard to keep that promise living with the memory of how someone use to be.
I feel so much different this time around. The tears were minimal and the pain was short lived.
My friends and my family have been so supportive through it all. Even those friends I have never really considered close stepped up and helped me more than they will ever know.
I can’t help but smile when I run into our mutual friends and in their kind voices and concerned expression they reassure me that I will be ok and things will get easier and tell me how great I look and how great I am doing. Their concern and sincerity is very much appreciated, but I AM ok. I am great in fact.
I am not the one who needs their pity. Granted, I made the mistake of choosing to love the wrong man.. but that was then and this is now and I don't love him anymore.
I worry about him, sure. I wish him well and hope with my whole heart he finds whatever it is he is looking for. Lord knows we didn't set out again to say goodbye. So no hard feelings, No regrets.
I think of him rarely because, I have a good life now that I have moved on.
* Cheers *
May 2010 bring us all much happiness and better luck.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Grunt.. Grunt..Grunt *Take yourself back to the Home Improvement days. You know, Tim Taylor.. and JTT? Mmm JTT. *drools*


Helloo is anybody out there??? I know its been quite a while since I sat down and took a second to write, I have been so busy!
Why do I feel like I am explaining myself to a Long Lost Pin pal starving in Somalia or something? The guilt overwhelmed me when I attempted to log into this lone little site and forgot my damn password.
And I said I wanted to be a writer.. Phsssh.
That's me Folks. Love it or leave it. I am infamous for becoming all gung-ho about an idea and then one day shrugging my shoulders and moving on to something else.
This time, it wasn't the case however. I no longer have the leisurely time I did before. The job I have now is AWESOME. And I earn every darn dollar I get. And I LOVE it! In fact, because of my new found success, I am going to be a proud homeowner here in a little over a month. *Proud Momma bear moment minus the momma bear*
It's true. Rian bought her very own home. With the help of her incredibly wonderful and supportive grandparents who so kindly offered to borrow her the money while she waits for Mr. Obama to sign her Tax credit check. God Bless the USA. And for that dink of an Ex-president we had for indebting our country so bad that some us get to benefit from it. On second thought.. I don't think that's kosher.. But, I can't think of any other reason this is happening so it stays. Curse me if you must.
I have already been to Home Depot and picked out the paint. And light Fixtures. And tile. And Counter tops. And also made a trip to RC Willy's where I found the sofa of my dreams. And Tai Pan Trading Company where I found decorations galore. I know that a lot of it will have to wait. . but when I get done, this house is going to be tiiight!
I am also going to buy myself a puppy dog. And as silly as it may sound, I think I may quite possibly be more excited for the puppy than anything else.
What else.. Let's see, My very Own humble abode..Check. New awesome job.. Check. Puppy dog.. Check..
Sheesh.
So much has changed since September! It's funny How fast life takes you. And somehow, I know that this is only the beginning of it all. I can feel myself changing. It's a little bitter sweet to be honest. I feel myself growing up, apart, and away. Apart from some people whom I never thought I would see the day where our paths no longer conjoined. Away from things I never foresaw as something I would wish to give up. But alas, Here I am.
No more frivolous spending on T-shirts. No more drinking away my money on weekends. No more continuous eating out, although I am pretty damn sure the kind folks at Kirts Drive Inn and Bangkok Garden are going to miss me something terrible. . I am bound and determined to make my way through a cook book. (without getting sick or throwing the meals I make at unsuspecting victims) Its a new day and Age for Rian-Paige.
I think its gonna be really somethin great.

Friday, September 11, 2009

FOUR!

4 years ago you walked into my life.
We have had quite the ride. Some ups. Some downs. Periods of heavy turbulence. And a few unplanned rough landings.
But we have always boarded again. Ready for take off.
I wouldn't wanna fly with anyone else in the whole wide world.
I love you. I have from the night I met you. And I will for the rest of my life. Even when we are old and gray and I'm disappointed because you have weird Italian hair growing from every orifice of your body and you're upset because my boobs sag and my biscuit drags. And we are sittin on the porch you drinking Metamucil and I am rubbing salve on my arthritic hands while fussing at you because yes, I still think bitches brew sounds like Lagoon.
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Yes...I'll still love you. Even then.
Thank you for the past 4 years.
Cheers to the Next.
Happy Anniversary Darlin.
~The Woptress