Olive Juice.

It's 1am. I just got home from a night out with some friends. Some old, some new and some I hope to never come within 100 feet from again.
I want to start out by saying... I am Happy. I am. I may not live on the edge or strive for the riches of the world and all the success it has to offer but I am happy. I fail to see how nice vehicles, boats, and four wheelers and toys measures a persons morality. I fail to see how sex can become a bragging right and how money is your only means to acceptance and an expensive education with a fancy title is the only thing that equals intelligence.
I may be contradicting even hypocritical at times. I may not make all the right choices 100% of the time. I may be a little to sensitive and I might tend to over react from time to time. But that's me. And if you don't like it. Fuck ya.
I care way to much about things that shouldn't hold any relevance. I can't help myself. I just do.
I saw 'the boy' tonight. It felt like 1,000 little cocktail swords stabbed me in the heart all at once. Why? Because I cared. Because he mattered to me. Regardless of what I was to him.. he mattered.
I was foolish to have ever had anything to do with this kid so I take full responsibility for the heartache I endured. I knew better. His friends made me well aware of this fact tonight.
It's funny. You can try like hell to change. Try with all your might to put things behind you and move on but there are people out there who emerge at the most inopportune time to remind you of these things, never allowing you to change.
So I cried. And I will a little more. But I am going to let these tears wash away the hurt and the bitterness that the past has left me with. I am letting go of yesterday and I am going to pray that love finds it's way back to me again. And when it does, I hope with all my heart that it will be the love that lasts a lifetime.
Sometimes, in our relentless efforts to find love we fail to recognize the people who already love us. We miss out on so many beautiful things simply because we are lost in our own selfish concerns.
Goodnight.

I'll entitle this.. Hope

This week..
My Mother had a heart attack. She isn't doing well. My mother and I haven't had much of a relationship since I was a little girl because of my inability to listen to lies and not voice my opinions. I can't seem to ever say or do the right thing and am not allowed to go visit her. This had been tough. But I have prayed my heart out for this to be the turning point in her life so I can go and see her and for the first time in 10 years see my Mother. The Beautiful, funny, charismatic women I remember. The one who Laughed often, danced with me to Garth Brooks in the living room, sang at the top of her lungs to dwight yoakum in the car, ran down the stairs in the morning to my bedroom tickling me until I woke up to come eat 'eggy' toast. I miss My mother.
The rest of the week I was fortunate to be in good company with friends, my family and a very cute boy. I went on a date. An actual real life date. And it was sophisticated and filled with good conversation. And that's it. It was.. fantastic.
Hopefully in time he doesn't crawl out of his skin and transform into the enormous walking bag of assholes coated in slimy lies like I have witnessed before.
But.. I am not holding my breath.
All I know is I am no longer answering the boy mentioned below's phone calls ever ever ever ever again EVER. I would much rather spend my nights alone watching Dexter, eating Cheetos in my Christmas Jammie's with Clementine than ever keep the company of a dick again. I already have an asshole. I don't need another one.
This weekend My Sister Megan is coming home from Washington for our Baby Sisters Baby shower. I can't wait to spend time with her. And I am also, of course having my weekly night out with the chicks and the dirty martini's
CIAO.

Pieces of mind

Lately..

Things have been a wee bit chaotic. You know the old saying.. When it rains it pours? Well it's defiantly true. However, in my case its just a blizzardy ice storm. Things could always be worse. I could be buried alive next to Tyra Banks.. or be scratched to shreds by Clementine and then douched with alcohol.
Anyway.. I am having drama within the family..It sucks and it's heartbreaking and there is nothing on earth I can do to change things.
Also.. I got news that I am in fact the boy's booty call and the booty call is all I will ever be to the boy. That's always a picnic in the park to hear. I told this guy I liked him and his reply was "thank you" THANK YOU?? Have you gone mad? I mean thanks for being polite Mr Gratitude but you can take your graciousness and stick it right up your ass. Something like.. "I want a waffle" would have been a better thing to say.
And.. My sleazy pathetic excuse for a man ex-boyfriend propositioned me for sex. How refreshing.. seeming how the dude has a girlfriend! I wonder just how many times I was the naive girlfriend and some other chick was his booty-call. Nice. Real flippin nice. And yes!!! I said no! I kind of want to scratch him to shreds and then drench him in alcohol and then bury him alive. Kidding. Kind of.
What does that say about me!? Where this dink would actually figure the thought of me and him having sex after all that happened and while his 'simple' little..OK medium sized girlfriend is elsewhere as a rational logical possibility!?!
paleeease.
My face is breaking out. I look like a fifteen year old who's face had a run in with a beehive. Its embarrassing.
Actually ya know.. after typing out these little troubles I just realized how humorous they actually are.. and in all honesty.. Everything is pretty damn ok. Besides the issue with my family. If you pray, maybe put in a good word with the Big Man Upstairs for my Mother. She could use one or two.
Bet your bottom dollar..The sun will come up tomorrow.
This weekend.. I am going to turn off my phone (for at least an hour or two) take a bath, get a facial.. go to yoga and relax.

I love.. Goldfish.

I have been in training all week all long for work.
It was a complete waste of time because this exact time last year I was in the exact same training. And for the past 12 months I have had a plethora of experience in doing it.
So I sat in the class room and experienced dejavu for 8 hours straight for 3 whole days. I day dreamed. I doodled. Come to find out I can draw a mean stick figure family. My sticks went boating, got held up by a bad-guy with a stick-gun, had a home by a mountain and the sunshine was smiling down on them, they went driving.. their week was much more exciting than mine. While reading my pepperidge farm Goldfish bag I found out that they are not only made with un-bleached enriched wheat flour but also with smiles.Smiles!! No wonder they are so delicious. I now want nothing more than to visit the pepperidge farm goldfish bakery and witness all these smiling faces baking my favorite snack crackers. I have this image of the keebler elves for some reason but they make cookies not crackers. I would most likely go there and be in for disappointment. They are probably all illegal aliens who are not wearing hair nets and haven't washed their hands in days and no smiles. But, I am going to keep eating my delightful little goldfish and picture little smiling faces singing 'whistle while you work ' and ' a spoon full of sugar' packaging up those little snacks that smile back.
This week I also met up with my dear friend Tawni for lunch in S.L.C. We enjoyed a scrumptious lunch at The Cheesecake Factory. The food was delicious but I kind of want to write a letter to the Corporate owners complaining about their choice in uniforms. They are all white. Which is fine as long as you are a stick figure which, our waitress was not, and I saw every curdle imaginable. And she had spilt marinara sauce on her lower front half.. its just not a pretty picture. Wear Black.. its much more classy.. much more professional and it doesn't make your customers lose the desire to eat.
We then went shopping where I spent WAY too much money on clothes I don't need. But I am going to Justify my frivolous spending on the fact that I don't have a valentine. Therefore, I am my own valentine and I spoiled the hell right out of myself.
Ps.. I Hate valentines day!.. Now, I know you probably are thinking' Yeah, every single girl does' But I really hate it. I hate it when I am with somebody and I especially hate it when I am not. I want to go to the grocery store, find the fire extinguisher and spray every hallmark cheesy ' I love you' card on the shelf. Blow the cutesy little teddy bears that hum love tunes to high heavens and spray all the petals off all the flowers in the entire floral department and soak all the boxed chocolates and little 'i love you' treats. Laugh and waltz out singing " Shot through the heart and your to blame..baby, you gave love a bad name" at the top of my lungs.
Stupid no good waste of a day where you spend upwards of $50.00 on cards that go in the garbage, and fancy-smancy meals and candy you are going to shit out anyway.
Stupid.
I refuse to acknowledge it is here. I am going out like any other day with my best friend and I am going to treat myself to kamikaze es and beer in one of my pretty new outfits.
Screw cupid. Stupid fairy anyway..

Bringing it back to the old school

Another weekend passes us by..
I spent my weekend Busy between family, friends and the what-ever-you-call-em's.
I went to Hot Yoga on Thursday.. It was excruciating.4 minutes into the class I wanted to smother my yoga teacher with my hot pink yoga mat. The woman talked more than anyone I have ever had to listen to in my whole life. 93% of what came out of the is woman's mouth was unnecessary causing me to hold my Trikonasana pose for 90 seconds instead of the usual 60. And let me let you in on a little factoid.. the Yoga poses are equally as hard to say as they are to do. There were 27 yogis in this small little studio. The chick in front of me kept rubbing her feet on the top of my hair and the dude beside me kept flinging his sweat on me. Needless to say my chi' was far from centered.
I hung out with some fun new friends, we built a camp fire and listened to Willie Nelson and Patsy Cline while taking shots of pabst blue ribbon. O yeah, We got er' done.
Friday I spent some time with Family then ventured to Salt Lake City to cash in on the plans my friend and I had for 2 months. The infamously awesome chick flick of chick flicks. However, that did not happen. I did not have my popcorn. I did not have my Chuckels. I did not have clarity of how/why/when things went wrong and He is just not that into me with a side of Jennifer and Drew who I am sure in the end wind up with wonderfully terrific good looking men leaving me hope that one day I will stumble across James Franco and have like 102 babies and live happily ever after. No. Instead I was fed the cold hard truth that people change, and they grow apart from another. I also ate a new orderve creation we came up with. I like to call them 'CheezeTwiz'
Now , if for some odd reason you are ever faced with hosting a party with a bunch of jackass's you dislike I highly recommend serving up these tasty little treats. You will thank me. Promise.
1 stalk of celery
Cheeze Wiz
Red vines
* Cut up your celery into sticks, top with cheezewhiz, garnish with a red vines. Enjoy. If the booze wasn't inducing vomit. This will.
After that little adventure I stopped by an old friend of mine's house. Now on the contrary to my previous statement, some people never change. I spent the rest of my evening watching the always exciting game of witnessing a person fish for compliments while still managing to brag himself blue. I Wonder what color the sky would be in his world? Wait.. I know, It would be a reflection of this dudes face or a copy of one of the many magazine spreads he has been in.
Saturday I spent my day Re-organizing my room after being told I was unorganized because I keep EVERYTHING. I had Birthday cards from 6 years ago. Receipts from jeans I bought 3 years ago. Lease agreements I have been out of for two years, but my last years taxes were no where to be found. Long story short. I am without any receipts, If tomorrow I woke up with amnesia I wouldn't remember my past birthday's and I had 3 heaping piles of clothes I never wear in hefty bags that I drove to the DI.
I also went Dancing with Krisi. We had an amazing time as always. We sipped on grape kamikazees instead of our usual watermelon and I think there is something to those Concord's.. They must soak up the vodka. In no time I was introducing myself as 'Petunia' And Krisi was fixing all the straight billed ball caps in the bar.
I then met up with the boy at a party and I drank beer and hennessy with thugs. But They were endearing thugs, Seeing them on the street you would keep your hands at attention in fear of one slight movement may be a gang sign which would put a cap in your ass. But actually talking with theses fella's I laughed harder than I have in ages. We rapped to Snoop dogg and Dr Dre from cassette tapes. I felt like I was in that Ice Cube film, Friday. All we needed was a low ridin coupe deville to drive us to Betos instead of my little toaster car. It would have been uncanny.
I couldn't believe that cassette tapes are still in existence. I found this hilarious. It took me back to the days of Vanilla Ice and Criss Cross wearing our overalls backwards dancing in my bedroom with the New Kids On The Block Bedding.
I had a phenomenal time as always. And now here I am in my Jammies eating a frozen pizza, sipping on juice, munching on Doritos ( Don't worry I got the baked ones) and cottage cheese and sour patch kids, skipping out on yoga to watch cable television.
Happy Sabbath.

Bad Bets, Dancing with the law, and friendly fathers

Weekends should be longer.
My dinner date with my dad was fun. Just as expected I had good conversation, good food and was in Bed by 9pm.
I woke up Saturday morning and went to Hot Yoga. It felt so amazing afterwards. During, not so much. I think I sweat out 3 months worth of water and throughout the workout I kept thinking that I was going to faint to the floor before igniting on fire from the heat of the 105 degree room. Come Sunday my limbs felt as if they had been part of a torture experiment. Because you sweat so much you feel as if you lost an entire persons amount of weight.. I kept looking in the mirror to see if my flubby tummy had flattened but no, looks like I'll have to keep it up for awhile before all the twinkies and moon pies melt away.
Krisi and I went out Saturday night. 4 beers into dinner and I was already well on my way to tipsy town. Must have been the Yoga. By the time we left the bar I was in deep drunk text messaging conversations. It seemed like a good idea at the time but after re-reading the damages on Sunday morning I think I should hand my phone over for safe keeping until the alcohol has left my system.
I also tend to make high stake bets after having a few cocktails. I thought for sure the Cardinals would kill those stupid steelers. But it turns out birds choke just like my cowboys do. GREAT.
But the superbowl wasn't a total loss. We had amazingly tasty treats at my friend Laurens. I almost bursted from being to stuffed with guacamole, ribs, stuffed mushrooms,and artichoke dip. Then we danced it all off at my work party where I met the man of my dreams. Yes, my dreams! He is funny, hilarious even. He is good looking, he shares the same convictions and morals as I do, He is outgoing, did I mention how funny? He is also very married. Awesome. Real freakin Awesome. *looks up to the sky* Why not me??!!
So after we had enough of singing along to la bamba with the local 5-o's I drove over to the boy who is bad for me's house and had my fill of butterfly's and Budweiser. I met his father who sure fell for me fast. I can be quite the little ham when I want to be. He invited me up to their cabin and hunting with them in Montana. He kept saying what a good head I have on my shoulders and I would laugh at all his jokes and he would laugh at mine. Just my luck to win over the boy's family and not the boy. If I had such a good head on my shoulders I wouldn't be hanging out with your no-callin, 11pm on weekend night textin, womanizing, commitment-a-phobe, extremly good looking, cocky, no kooth, booty callin son of yours.. With all do respect.. Sir!
I had one hell of a time as always though. I am sure the next time I hear from the boy it will be late saturday night.
And thats ok, I enjoy having my weeknights to myself. I am re-doing my Ipod and putting together spectacular playlists. My new fave is my Dwight Yoakum list.. I grew up on watching my mother swoon over that cowboys " sexy knees". Yes, I said knees. I remember always looking at her thinking, who the hell adds knees to the physical attributes they find sexy? But anyway.. his songs bring back good memories and make me smile.
I hate putting music onto my Ipod. And although it's nice to have Technology, it requires alot of patience from its users. That's just another reason I am certain that God messed up. I was meant to live in the 50's. From my lack of interest in Computers, Ipods,video games,and all the other Gadgets and gizmo's a plenty.. my ideals are more fitting to that time frame and I dream in Leave it to Beaver and The Brady Bunch. I love the style back then, how woman dressed up in pretty little dresses, men still practiced that ancient thing called chivalry, families stayed together, Phrases like 'Swell' and 'golly gee' were used often, Frank Sinatra and Elvis Presley played at parties, Drugs hadn't began to poison our societies, good wholesome sitcoms were on the television instead of reality shows about rehab and one night stands.I betcha boys actually called and the white picket fence and happily ever afters happened more often. The world just seemed so full of hope back then. And no one spent 14 hours loading their records onto a bitesized machine. Or backing up hard drives or playing pretend guitars plugged into the T.V.
Back to the subject of weeknights.. My work schedule changed and I have to be to work at 6am so I wake up at 4am. Which leaves me little time to play anyway.
But I have Friday, Saturday and Sunday's off.
This weekend I am going to see the new film 'He is just not that into you'. I am so excited. My girlfriends and I have been awaiting it's release for 2 years. The book is like a single chicks bible. I have sections highlighted and turn back to it for clarity often. Seeming how I attract assholes like fles to shit.
Then the usual always fun night out Saturday.
Anyway, That's all for now.
Toodels.